Negotiating Sex & BDSM Play

Promptly at the agreed upon hour I opened my front door to him. He walked passed me swiftly, barely giving me a glance. I could feel the tone of the room change, as our energies met. My heart beat sped up. I was nervous.

In his hands he held the tools that would be a large part of our time together. I had dressed to please, considering his preferences as I choose each piece of clothing with care.

"Fill the sink with water now" echoed through the room. I was startled at the order and it showed, it took me a moment to register what the command meant for me to do. Finding the plug, I dropped it in the drain and ran the water at full speed.

And in slow motion it began. The scene we had negotiated a week earlier started to play out around me. I was one of the two main characters.

We had agreed, he would hurt me, a lot. He would cause me great pain and suffering and would do so in a way that I found erotic. The eroticism would be what would allow me to process the pain.

I knew I was in trouble, when "water boarding" was mentioned so casually.

Fear. Terror.

Really, is this what I wanted? No.

Fuck, time to renegotiate and try and save the scene.

Successfully I divert the Top and he moves on to other plans and our play continues.

I do not get the scene that I had wanted and had been longing for. He got much of he wanted.

Disappointed? Not at all.

Grateful is more like it. I'm not one to take one for the team. Rest assured if I am not enjoying something, I'm not going to go along with it, just so you can enjoy yourself. Nope. Sorry, I'm going to blow the whistle.

One of the greatest gifts that I have learned from being in sex culture, is that opportunities are abundant. I don't need to settle, I can have anything I want and saying No is just as important as saying Yes.

Libido Lexicon 2

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Fail

And with a THUD, the shoe bounced off the hallway wall and promptly ricocheted across the room falling to the ground as abruptly as it had taken flight.

My chest tightened, my breath got short and I could barely think straight.

My god damn wallet was missing and I just knew, that it had been lost.

Convinced of it's disappearance, and believing it never to see the light of day again, my anxiety was through the roof.

"I can't do it anymore, I just can't ..... there is not enough of me to go around" ...."I fucking give up". And then, I stormed out of the room vibrating with angst.

Twenty minutes later of back tracking through my life, numerous phone calls and digging through bags and VOILA. There stood Jason in front of me, holding my Ed Hardy wallet.

Not missing, not stolen, simply misplaced. By me. I had misplaced my wallet and my whole outburst was irrational and unnecessary.

It was all I could do to steer myself into a kitchen chair. Jason pulled up a seat next to me. With out a word, he just gazed deeply into my eyes with such love and compassion, all I could do was sob uncontrollably.

When I able to grab hold of my composure, all I could say was, "I'm sorry".

I'm so sorry that I can't do it all. I'm sorry that I'm having a hard time being everything I want to be. I'm - just - sorry.

So that's my story and I am sticking to it.

Our baby is nine a half months old. Our business is almost three years old. This is a time of tremendous growth again for me personally and professionally. And navigating it, is challenging me.

To remedy this situation and to alleviate some of the pressure I am feeling as a working mother, we are now investigating part time day care.

Now that you know where I am at in life, let's return to regular scheduled programming and blogging.

Down Time

Tomorrow my family leaves for the weekend. They are off to the island and I remain at home, all-by-my-self.

JOY

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT


No specific plans for my sixty hours alone, but rest assured, there will be trouble.

I'm now taking offers.

Libido Lexicon 1

This is the new column that I've been contracted to write for the Taboo newsletter. Subscribe yourself on the left side of their home page so you can have their monthly installment sent directly to your in-box.

Libido Lexicon by Jennifer Skrukwa
August 2010
Column #1

Romantic relationships that last over years are the ones fairy tales are made of. Well that and good sex.

Let's be honest. We all want to maintain the fire and passion and yet over time these crucial points can fizzle out for all too many couples. In the early days, months and maybe even years, you were all over one another and the discoveries were charged with lust and fueled with libido.

As the new becomes the routine, It's normal to run short on ideas for how to create intensely playful erotic situations. This column is dedicated to offering up information and techniques that can inspire you to reignite your sexual energy and jump start your intimate relationships.

Every person has the potential to have a hugely rewarding sex life. The following ten items are more than just suggestions, each can help lead to a sexually healthy, satisfied and progressive erotic life. Do your homework and make more than just yourself happy.


1. Register in your local adult store for a sex class on a topic of interest to you. Then go home and work on developing that new skill with enthusiasm. Sharing the class and what you've learned with your partner will inspire you to try new things and step outside of your comfort zone safely.

2. Rent some pornography or view some online. The two main reasons for this are to help you develop a stronger language for asking for things in bed in a provocative manner and to act as background noise when already frolicking. The sounds of other people having sex is, for many people, as arousing as having other people in the bedroom.

3. Send your partner a dirty text message or e-mail in the middle of the day (not to the work address), with a promise of something to happen when they arrive home. The largest sex organ is between the ears so start your foreplay early in the day with a mere "when you get home tonight, if you were to come upstairs and take a quick shower, you'll find me laying naked on the bed, waiting to reward you for such a long days work". Or try, "the kids are napping and all I could think about is how great it would be to be making love to you right now -- how about later this evening"? Everyone wants to be desired, so remind your partner when you're thinking of them in a sexy way.

4. Set yourself up as eye candy -- dress for sex. Both men and women need to have some provocative clothing that really only sees the light of day when orgasms, lubricant and mutual pleasure are on the menu. Wear something in the bedroom that you'd never walk down a street in and allow your sexual energy to shine.


5. Do something outrageous. With each of you at opposite ends of the bed, propped up with pillows, surrounded by toys, masturbate with your partner. If both of you are touching yourselves at the same time, you get the opportunity to witness what the other does as techniques to stimulate themselves and you also gain the chance to share a connection of mutual solo pleasure. To watch our partner give themselves pleasure is highly sensual and exciting.

6. Manscape or landscape ... either way it must be done. We make our outer selves look attractive so we can go out to work or walk in the world feeling good about ourselves. Why would you not spend the time to care take your naked self? A few minutes of shaving your bits or at the least taming back your unruly bush with scissors will make you appear as though you are really interested in having your partner spend time between your thighs and will make the territory easier to navigate.

7. Talk dirty and do it well. If you're tripped up over what to say, fear not. Talk in bed about what is going on. "Oh my, that spot feels so good, keep rubbing me there babe". "Would you stroke me harder, right-about-there .... that's it, you are so good to me". "I love it when you lick me like that, don't stop". Talk about what you want and how you want it. Give directions and accolades. Our partners get great pleasure from being told they are tending to our needs well. Stay positive and praise often.

8. Share a fantasy. While having sex or in the aftermath of your erotic encounter as you lay alongside with one another, talk about that scenario that you have eroticized and find exceptionally hot. Don't talk about people you know, keep your fantasy removed. Disclose your burning desire to be tied down during sex, to have sex outside and be caught, to be spanked until you plead to mount your partner ... whatever it is, say it out loud. Give your fantasy a mini story and tell your partner. You will likely be surprised at what new ideas and scenarios you could both play around with if you just knew a little bit more about what the other thinks is wild and daring sex.

9. Plan a sex soiree in the living room, your backyard or when hiking on a trail this summer. Something incredible happens when we have sex outside of our bedroom. Just by changing the place where we are intimate, we are forced to try new positions, adjust to new surroundings and give ourselves permission to be naughty. It's hot when it's not in your own bed all the time.

10. Kiss your partner each and every day at least a half dozen times. Not those little hen pecks on the cheek either. Full blown, long, lingering deep kisses where you share breath with one another. Stare into one another eyes as you neck and whisper dirty little thoughts. Intimacy is built not just when sex is happening but in each and every moment you spend together. Make the most of your lip locks and smooch with the intention of allowing your partner to feel your raw sexual energy.



Over the coming year, we'll talk about tips, techniques and even how-to's, to creatively recharge your sexual self and that of your partner with purpose.


blessings, Jennifer

Jennifer Skrukwa has been a dynamic sex activist and educator for over a decade. The owner of Libido Events and Libido Lounge located in Metro Vancouver, she is a creative, vibrant, enterprising powerhouse of energy. As the 37 year old mother of a 7 month old son and a 16 year old daughter she is living with one child learning to crawl and another learning to drive at the same time. Besides her work as a sex educator teaching in the local sex positive community, Jennifer travels extensively across Canada and the United States, sharing her wisdom, knowledge and expertise on all things sex.

She has been a presenter with the Taboo Sex Show in several provinces for the last nine years, the lead educator for the past two and been featured in print in Xtra West, The Georgia Straight and the Westender. Her resume includes presentations at a number of leading BC colleges and universities, within the prison system, at numerous adult stores and for the BC Center for Disease Control. She has extensive private educational experience as an intimacy coach and is also a certified substance abuse counselor. Jennifer is passionate about her life’s work teaching and leading others by example; sex positive, bold and outspoken.

Libido Events & Libido Lounge http://www.LibidoEvents.com
Activist On A Mission To Initiate Change http://libidoevents.blogspot.com

Dinner Party

Last night we had seven friends over for a fondue dinner, with us, it was a nine person soiree. The evening was filled with tasty great food and the chance to catch up with our buddies outside of play party environments.

Our friends are the best. They continually astound me with their generosity, open mindedness and passion for living.

This was the first time that we have had a dinner party since Pickle was born. He handled the experience beautifully. Till bedtime. Then, then he came unglued.

The conversations of a group of friendly perverts gathered over wine and food are outrageous and so not for the faint of heart.

After everyone left, and Pickle was soundly asleep, Jason and I left the baby sleeping in his crib with the teenager at home. And we went for a walk around midnight.

Still alive

I'm feeling some guilt over not keeping up more with writing this past month. My apologies. But between raising a teenager, keeping up with Jason, working full time and being a mommy again to a fast crawler, my world is now a gong show.

To be, or not to be

My life today is not the one my mother wanted for me.

As I was growing up, it was more than obvious that to make my mother happy and to satisfy her life dream for herself that never was, I was to become a nurse.

Alas this did not happen, thankfully.

It can be said though that I am in the "helping field". And with great pride I assist many people in transforming their lives into a more happy and fulfilled place.

I have gone on to do other great things that my mother never mentioned or declared that I take on.

Thankfully, I am proud of myself.

Woman Sex

She's a new member at the Lounge and so is her man.

I believe she is eight years younger than I. Her and her man are both super attractive and sharing really great bubbly personalities. From the moment we met at orientation, I knew we would get along well.

They came out to a party.

I took one look at her and just knew that I had to play with her. Without missing a beat I walked towards her loveliness and suggested we do so. She beamed. My insides got all warm and tingly at her delight. After she said yes, I told her she should tell her man of our plans. She listened.

Setting my toys down on the stand next to the rack, I watched her cross the floor towards me. "Take off your dress" I said firmly. She complied and even asked if she should remove her panties or not. I was flattered by the trust in that question.

After I told her what I would not do to her and round about what to expect, I taught her red, yellow and green. Turning her around so her tight ass was facing me I worked her over with floggers, straps and a fur mitt. I concentrated on making her want more of what I was offering.

It worked. As I flogged her ass, I let the tails creep in between her legs, to wrap nicely over her pussy. She writhed beautifully and moaned ever so appreciatively. This was doing much for my libido.

After I had her face I spent time on her breasts and chest. We played for some time before I grabbed the Hitatchi and pressed it onto her clit. That smile of hers grew fast. Her ass was glowing hot from the strikes and her pussy was throbbing - I knew it to be true, without doubt.

After a few minutes I crouched down on the floor and put the magic wand in my lap. Then I told her to straddle me and lower herself onto my lap. The vibrations rocked both of our bodies with a great intensity.

"Fuck me" I said. She followed my command and as soon as I had spoken those words, she started riding me with such passion that it was all I could do not to come unglued myself.

Between my teeth I caught one her nipples and I nibbled on it passionately - she whispered in my ear, "my nipples like it really hard. Bite them." And so I did, ruthlessly.

The panting escalated, her gyrations were strong and consistent and in no time, she orgasm'ed on top of me. Twice I think.

Later on in the evening I looked around to see where she was at. She was mounted on top of her partner and they were fucking like horny teenagers.

I love my life.

A couple of weeks back I was hired to lead a class (this morning) to a group of twenty sexuality educators from Options For Sexual Health. My ninety minute presentation was very well received and I was highly amused that twenty five percent of the class attendees, already knew me. I was called inspirational. The last couple of weeks have been filled with constant accolades for me, it's wonderful to get such positive praise from so many varied sources.

Tonight is Exploratorium at The Lounge --- it should be quite a lot of fun. Plus I do so love being able to catch up with my pals and volunteers at this event. The laid back pace is just right for the new explorers who attend. Jason will be home bound with the baby .... who by the way, is a super cruiser. This child motors along at a fast pace. He is happy, and he is speedy as a crawler.

Joy!

Book Sale

Thousands of books on sale each day. Come and browse through the tables of bargains and treasures!

* All items are cash and carry. Please bring your own bags.
* Materials are sold "as is". All sales are final.
* Prices for regular items range from 55 cents to $2.25 (see below).
* There is a bank machine on the promenade.

Please note, shoppers will not be admitted 30 minutes before closing.

Alma VanDusen & Peter Kaye Rooms, Lower Level, Central Library, 350 West Georgia Street
Thursday, July 8 - 10:00 am to 9:00 pm
Friday, July 9 - 10:00 am to 6:00 pm

[SOURCE]

Riding a Bike

Allena gave me a new bike a few weeks ago, so I could drive around town with the baby in tow all summer long. Then earlier today Jason and I went and purchased a a baby stroller that clips onto the bike and pulls the baby along at ground level.

Until this afternoon I had not been on a bicycle in 27 years. The last time I rode a bike, it did not have gears. That is how inexperienced I am as a cyclist. My new bike has twenty one gears and to stop, one does not peddle backwards, rather one utilizes the thumb controls on the handle bars. Very, very freaky.

Jason already had a bike so he was set. We donned our helmets and he quickly gave me a riding tutorial on the street out front of our house, before we began our adventure.

I was lucky that Jason hooked the carrier onto his bike today because I had and continue to have a large learning curve attached to navigating myself on a bicycle. Pickle had such a great ride. First we went to Costco, then we headed out on the open road and over a bridge and up a hill.

My thighs burned. And my legs were wobbly. But I did it. It was fun and bicycling constitutes exercise as well.

The draw backs thus far to biking are that the seat really really hurt my girl bits. And the seat kept pushing my clitoral hood piercing way further out of place to even be considered comfortable. My pelvic floor feels bruised and is not at all pleased with the abuse it suffered.

As I see it, if my pussy is going to hurt from doing something I enjoy, then I best be getting some orgasms attached to it too. No orgasms, means either no further bike riding, or a new seat.

Since I enjoy the bike riding and it is far better than jogging, I now find myself in search of the perfect "seat".

Anyone know if they exist and where to buy an infant helmet?

Let me just start of by saying, that this story, is totally true and was sent to me by a good friend and Lounge member. To say my job is critical, is an understatement. Often people don't realize what they do not know, until they meet someone with more information than them.

Interesting story.

This just shows me the ignorance of our youth and why you (Jennifer) talk to Colleges.

My co-worker who I will call Lori is 21. Decides to go clubbing Wednesday and wants to use tampons for the first time but is a virgin. She comes to me for advise. I suggested a wee bit of Vaseline to assist (that’s what I did the first time and it worked). So she does this and reports back that it was perfect but, …. she didn’t know how to pee with it in.

I just looked at her for a moment. She's dead, serious and waiting for me to tell her. Every time she had to pee, she removed her tampon. She asked her friends how to pee with the tampon and no one knew.

I explained that she had 3 holes (urethra, vaginal and anus). She freaked out and said she did NOT have 3.

I politely explained it to her and then showed her actual diagrams and walked her through it all. Seriously, Anatomy 101.

21 yrs. old. None of her friends knew. I was floored. Again, this is why you do what you do.

Vancouver Trans Forum, 3 events

Saturday, July 3rd @ Rhizome Cafe (317 e broadway)
Doors: 7pm
Movie: 8pm
Discussion: 9pm

Vancouver's Trans Forum, in collaboration with Divergence Movie Nights, presents a screening of Screaming Queens: The Riot At Compton's Cafeteria. A film by Victor Silverman & Susan Stryker (2005), Screaming Queens "tells the little-known story of the first known act of collective, violent resistance to the social oppression of queer people in the United States -- a 1966 riot in San Francisco's impoverished Tenderloin neighbourhood, three years before the famous gay riot at New York's Stonewall Inn." Join us afterward for a discussion about the historical relationship between (cis)LGB and trans communities.

Sunday, July 4th @ Rhizome Cafe (317 e broadway)
Doors: 5pm
Movie: 6pm
Discussion: 7:00pm

Vancouver's Trans Forum, in collaboration with Divergence Movie Nights, presents a screening of Transparent. A film by Jules Rosskam (2005), Transparent
focuses on 19 female-to-male spectrum folks' "lives as parents, revealing the diverse ways in which each person reconciles giving birth and being a biological mother with his masculine identity, and through the variety of genders the children use to conceive of their parents." Join us afterward for a panel and discussion about issues affecting trans parents/families

Saturday, July 10th @ Rhizome Cafe (317 e broadway)
Doors: 7pm
Movie: 8pm
Discussion: 9pm

Vancouver's Trans Forum, in collaboration with Divergence Movie Nights, presents a screening of Still Black - A Portrait of Black Trans Men. A film by Kortney Ryan Ziegler (2008), Still Black explores the lives of six black transgender men living in the United States. Through the intimate stories of their lives as artists, students, husbands, fathers, lawyers, and teachers, the film offers viewers a complex and multi-faceted image of race, sexuality and trans identity. That night there will also be a screening of the short film Two Spirit People. A film by Michel Beauchemin, Lori Levy & Gretchen Vogel (1991), Two-Spirit People is an overview of historical and contemporary Native American concepts of gender, sexuality and sexual orientation. Join us afterward for a panel and discussion on issues affecting racialized trans people

$Pay-what-you-can
(all proceeds will go to the Vancouver Trans Forum + Divergence Movie Nights)

The Rhizome's entrance is wheelchair accessible, although the bathrooms are quite small.

Also please note that the Rhizome's kitchen will be open for food and drink during the event!

Stay tuned for more film fest announcements for the week of July 19th to 22nd

www.vancouvertransforum.com
vancouvertransforum@gmail.com
www.divergencemovienight.com

Expert Hand Job

Giving An Expert Hand Job

It's not what you think this about. I'm certain.

Stand at a utility sink with a paint roller in one hand as it rests on the floor of the sink.

Turn on the water and leave it running.

With one hand, firmly grasp the roller while holding it vertically.

With your free hand, wrap your palm around it and squeeze it from top to bottom in long, slow, smooth strokes.

Gently shake the whole package now and again to stimulate the removal of the extra paint.

After repeating the squeezing and pull gesture many times, with warm water running over the roller, a sudden burst will gush out the end.

Stroke fast now, until not one drop of paint is left inside.

You are not finished yet.

Hold up the roller and rinse it off, otherwise when you next use it, you will find yourself with a sticky mess to contend with.

Changes

These last few days have been rather challenging for me. I find myself facing both some family and professional issues that are demanding my attention and making me consider deeply some things I have formerly taken for granted.

Nothing like a slap in the face to rouse one out of the compliant place I've been living in.

The next few days will be spent reassessing my goals and what it is going to take to reach them, should I even still have the strength to work towards them.

What's a girl to do? Except move forward.

Friends Make The World A Better Place

The Lounge was painted today. Finally. And thankfully.

The foyer, the bathroom, bathroom cabinets, and two walls in the main room.

Tomorrow we paint a second coat on, paint the moldings and the kitchen cabinets too.

New equipment over the next two weeks will be added, the projector screen mounted, two partial walls installed and carpet laid.

I arrived today at noon and left at 9:45 at night.

Tomorrow, I'll arrive at 1:30 and hope to be out of there by 7'ish.

I'm exhausted and likely so are all the volunteers who took part. Half of them are returning tomorrow to assist.

We've been desperate to complete these projects and are all thrilled that in not long, most of our plans will be complete.

Daddy and child relationships

It's Father's Day.

Six and a half months ago, Jason became a father for the first time, making today ever so significant for him. That together we created a new life is so important to us as a couple -- it is a dream come true.

Happy Fathers Day my love, you are an incredible daddy and you deserve much happiness.

My own dad? Dead. Gone for years. And it's hard for me to say this, but I have no idea the last time I spoke to him before his death. It had been a number of years. Not the most influential person in my life, yet one of the two people responsible for my having life. So he was important, yet damaging as hell.

I can't say that I miss him my dad. But I can say that I see in Jason and other fathers attributes that I wish my own dad had possessed. No parent can be everything to their child, yet my dad, failed. He failed himself and in that, he failed my brother and myself.

I've called a partner or two Daddy over the years, and its always made the relationship richer and nurtured me in ways that I so longed for.

I call Jason Daddy now and then because I am referring to him as Pickles dad, but not because of a need in me.

It's not my belief that I've outgrown a Daddy girl relationship with my partner. It's just more that I'm so busy being a mommy that finding a way to let myself be that vulnerable again is such a daunting emotional challenge that I am not sure I would ever travel that road again.

It warms my heart to see the love that Jason has for his son and for the teenager. He is the epitome of a perfect Father and I am grateful that we share a life, family, home and love together.

Fantasies Come True at Libido Lounge

A few months back at an event, one of our women members (whom we'll dub as Tanya) shared a wild and out-of-the-ordinary fantasy of hers to a large group of people. Amongst those present, was her husband.

Fast forward to just a short while ago and one of our members who was at "the big disclosure" contacts me. It seems her fantasies fueled his desire to make a contribution to the cause. He has built a piece of equipment to meet the requirements of Tanya's fantasy and he wants to donate it to The Lounge.

Her fantasy is to be on a "lazy Susan" of sex. Something that can spin her round and round whilst she orally pleasures many, many men.

Well this item, this accoutrement now exists. It is tucked safely into the Lounge and is being debuted this Saturday night at the Couples Only Play Party, then again at Jack & Jill on the last Monday night of the month.

If you wish to play on it feel free. But not before Tanya gets the first go around.


Not only will this woman's fantasy come true, but so will many others peoples now be brought to fruition.

I'm excited to see the lazy Susan in use.