Diagnostic Tools

My fast tracked MRI has been scheduled for today to diagnose and isolate my jaw and tooth infection.   (remnants of the torturous wisdom tooth extraction 7 weeks ago) Today is day 8 of twice a day IV therapy for this disaster. 

The combination of labor & delivery coupled with this crippling pain in my head is enough to have me feeling like shit and as though the suffering will never end.

Jason hasn't left the hospital since we arrived Saturday.  We have a private room with a cot in it, which means Jason has even been sleeping over, in fact, he's been sleeping with the baby.  Baby is doing awesome and eating well. 

Due to the contrast dye given to me for the MRI, I have to pump out all my milk for 24 hours and throw it away.  This means that we're feeding the baby with an eye dropper, and giving him milk that I pumped for him before the dye was administered.

Proud Parents

After a ridiculously intense final 6 weeks of pregnancy, and horrible labor "The Pickle" was born at 5:51 AM Sunday November 29th.  

He weighed in at 8 pounds and 6 ounces and emerged after a thankfully short period of pushing. Our daughter and Jason were both there holding my legs and being supportive, it was quite the moment of exhilaration, love and effort.

The Pickle entered the world quietly, without any noise or crying and it caused some alarm. Suffice to say, his lungs eventually cleared and all was well.  

Agony

Our labor room, was really rather nice, all things considered.  Potted plants, huge tub, large oak mirror, comfy chairs, private large bathroom .... quiet, all the bells and whistles of comfort.

I labored in this tub for quite some time, pretty much until the nurse told me she needed me to get in the bed for a check.   Then once on the bed, I was without the strength necessary to return to the tub.  Things were really intense at this point. Though, they got much much worse as time progressed.  

"Induction Day"

This photo was taken on my walk around the hospital after they had broken my water,  given me some drugs to ripen my cervix and bring on the contractions.

Childbirth & Medical Disasters

To bring you all up to speed.

This week I have been a day patient at our local hospital, twice daily admitting myself day and night for IV therapy. 8 AM and 8 PM.

I was in ER, with a horrible infection that appears to be in my jaw bone, and is from having my wisdom teeth removed last month .. the pain, swelling and nausea are overwhelming.

The answer to this medical crisis when one is as pregnant as I am (38 weeks) is twice daily IV therapy of antibiotics, administered through a catheter left in my arm so they do not need to be endlessly poking me. And to offer some comfort, Morphine and Demerol as pain killers - though these have side effects that are harsh and unavoidable.

A couple of days ago the main water line to our new house burst. Just throwing this out there so you can see how timing has conspired against us as of late.

This morning we saw our Obstetrician, and tomorrow morning at 9 AM I am being induced. This means we should have our son by some point later in the afternoon or early evening.

I'll be in hospital for a few days, both recovering from childbirth, but also remaining on IV therapy.

Then on Monday I am booked (in hospital) to see an Infectious Disease Doctor/Expert after I have an MRI of my head to determine the depth of the infection to my jaw and head.

This evening I return to the hospital again for IV therapy and the rest of my day today is being spent puking, trying not to stress out to much and of course doing all the little loose ends around our home that need tending to. Oh and if I can, getting in some napping time.

It's been a wild ride these past 9 months, though these past 4 months have been more difficult than even imaginable.

I have tried my best to accomplish everything within my power and this has caused me more stress than necessary.

If by chance we need to touch base for some reason, know that it likely won't be happening over the next while.

One email being sent to my email account is all that is necessary to capture my attention.

jennifer@libidoevents.com

I'll respond as soon as I can.

While laboring tomorrow, you can keep up with our progress on Twitter.

That's it for now, it is tub time for me now.

Breathing Space

Thirty eight weeks pregnant today.

If I owe you a phone call or an email, forgive me as you'll not be hearing from me for awhile. I am drugged on morphine and demerol and taking twice daily antibiotics into my arm.

I am a day patient in the hospital this week on IV therapy.

Tomorrow we see the OB and get our induction date.

Please stop phoning, please stop emailing. We know who we need to contact but both Jason and I need to be left alone right now and are tired of emptying our phones and email accounts of repetitive messages. Once is enough thanks.

(the emails of support are sweet and most welcome, but again, please just one note is enough)

If you are someone who thinks we should be contacting you ... then relax, and wait for us to do so when we can, we have not forgotten about you. We are prioritizing our energy and commitments currently.

We are at end of our rope, and the end of this pregnancy.

This request is for all family, friends and otherwise special people in our lives. Please respect our need for some space right now - my health is not well and we are trying to get things under control before the baby arrives.

Medically we won't be sharing what's happening, just know that it is enough to turn our lives upside down. This, coupled with the fact that our main water line into our house burst yesterday morning.

Turmoil and it is all out of our control.

Sexual Prowess

It takes a lot of skill, thoughtfulness and effort to be a good lover. Most anyone can screw or fuck someone, but to be a lover requires a finesse, a dedication to the "art of loving."

Over the years it has become painfully obvious to me through watching others engage in sex and listening to people discuss their sex lives, that so many are not completely satisfied with their intimate time. They crave more, yet do not have the vocabulary or the skill set to teach another how to please them.

People want exhilarating sex, they want to be caught up in the throes of passion and to feel the wild rush of euphoria wash through their body that only happens when sex is spontaneous, engaging and varied.

Anyone can do the same techniques time and time again, and we all know it then gets boring and predictable. It may get you off but it sure is not rewarding, nor bonding, nor toe curling or earth shaking.

Many people I speak to want to be considered great lovers, either by their relationship partners, or their one night stands. They want to be revered as excellent lovers and they want the delight that comes from being able to give their partner their undivided sensual attention.

Are you a lover who is caught in a rut, unsure how to create new and memorable experiences between you and your partner? You can fix this without grave difficulty, you just need the willingness to explore some unfamiliar territory, be willing to listen and able to spend more time creating that hunger within your hunger.

Are you a lover with something to share, even the simplest single suggestion is valuable here.

Here is what I need from you.

Drop me an email to jennifer@libidoevents, with the subject line "Lover". In the email tell me if you are a man or a woman and whether or not you make love to men or women.

Then tell me your favorite sexy techniques you engage in as foreplay, mental play or sex play to wow your partner.

I am *not* looking for sex positions, rather for ideas on how you ensure your partner is well taken care of sexually as a whole body experience during your play time. Give me examples.

You can also tell me what you have enjoyed having down to you that has made your intimate time all that more special and spectacular.

I am currently working on a special project and this information will go along ways to ensuring a vast number of people will become more thoughtful and proactive lovers.

Remember, what goes around, comes around. Share your tidbits and help make bedrooms across the country happier and more orgasmic.

Moving Mountains

The man in my life loves me so much, so unconditionally and without fail. It feels so overwhelming to be cared for so well and to know that no matter what, he is there for me. Always by my side, and on my side. I can't help but feel unworthy of such greatness when it comes from such a generous, intelligent and handsome fella.

Earlier today we hit a mall and I did some holiday shopping while my guy went and had his hair cut. I tired out rather quickly though and ended up needing to sit and eat frozen yogurt with my very swollen feet elevated. Contractions were happening regularly, yet of course, not with enough frequency to convince me or any doctor for that matter that I was in real labor.

A stop at Ikea went so fast it is hard to believe possible. We ran in and back out with only needing a curtain rod and new curtains for the babies room and we had success in finding exactly what we needed with rapid speed.

We went Christmas grocery shopping next and spent HUNDREDS of dollars - it was necessary and certainly needed. Particularly because I can't fathom shopping for food with a new born in the cold and hustle bustle of the month of December. This heinous task was now out of the way.

By the time we arrived home late in the afternoon it was already black outside, the teenager helped us unload our exploding vehicle of all the purchases stuffed inside of it.

Jason hemmed the new curtains and hung them, I put away all the food, then my man erected our Christmas tree right in the middle of the living room. Incredible.

This whole nesting process yields amazing results when we all work together.

And now we are about to munch of some snacks while watching a movie rental.

Good night.

Pickles???

As you may already have likely figured out, we have affectionately named our soon to be son "pickle".

With this information in mind, we are really hoping to find something in particular to compliment the season and our sons nickname.

We are looking for "pickle" Christmas tree ornaments. Have you seen any? Where?

If you see one, pick it up for us please. This is exactly what we want for the little guys first ever Christmas.

Chameleon

Last night was parent teacher interviews at the teenagers school. We went. It was a worthwhile thing to do, as we are rather invested in her success.

According to at least one of her teacher, I look phenomenal for being eight and a half months pregnant and yet another teacher applauded my ability to stand in line for so long to see her.

Oh if they only knew how much I am suffering and am faking it.

I was so gleeful when we arrived home. Clothes off and robe on, drugs in me and heating pad on my back. There are few comforts right now that make a difference to my physical and emotional state, family being the biggest most supportive one.

Matters of the Heart

It has been quite awhile since I've fallen head over heels in love with someone that I had not been in a dating and serious relationship with.

As I recall, when I was younger, love came crashing down hard into my life and heart. Regularly and with lightening speed.

I could see someone casually a few times and suddenly feel the overwhelming intoxication of love course through my veins.

Relationships were shorter lived back then, but damn they were intense. From beginning to end.

This past decade I have fallen hard in love a number of times. Not a number of times each year, rather a number of times over the decade.

And lucky for me each person I have loved has equally loved me in return.

No one has not handed me their heart after I have confessed my feelings for them. Each person who confided their love of me to me, has also always been rewarded with my love in return.

There have been no "one directional" feelings not reciprocated. I have been fortunate in matters of the heart.

It has not been all easy, some of my heart throbs have hurt me, and I have broken a few hearts myself after awhile. Yet each person I shared that level of intimacy with, I've been committed to in some way for a fairly long period of time.

Short term romantic relationships where love is involved don't fall into my lap any more. And I am thankful for this. There is just not the time for me to maintain such a connection with someone.

Those who have my heart are all strong individuals who know how I feel about them, regardless of how often I see them.

I am blessed though to have found more recently the ability to differentiate between romantic, lustful, familial and friendship love. When I was younger, it was all rolled up into one package. The benefit to being able to share and celebrate all these different forms of love is of course that I am able to be more loving with more people, without having to make sacrifices of self or time.

How do you define love? Who is entitled to your love? Who do you accept love from? Is love something you have in abundance or an emotion with a limited supply?

The more I love, the more love that is handed to me.

Misery

I never, ever, ever, ever ever, EVER want to be pregnant again.

I hate it.

I can't stand for a moment longer how horrible I feel and the demands this period of time has put on my body. I am physically and emotionally drained.

Medically I have a list of woes that are getting more complicated every 48 hours, yet not-quite-bad-enough to warrant inducing me as of yet. (but I was promised if I was still in such a bad way at 38 weeks, the doctor would induce then)

I see now that I took on too much being pregnant at 37 years old, still working waaaay more than full time, existing as a functioning adult and moving a business. It was a dumb mistake on my behalf.

But I have suffered enough and I can't fake it any longer. Sorry folks, this sucks the big one. I am a wreck.

My sleep is horrible, the edema out of control, my ability to walk is hampered, heart burn that is a killer, my pelvic floor feels like a ton of bricks are laying on it, my stomach is constantly nauseous, difficulty breathing and the list goes on and on. Trust me when I say, that I've not even shared the intimate body/medical problems I am suffering with.

Tomorrow I see the Obstetrician, and again I will walk into his office and beg for relief. I have also canceled the rest of my days appointments so that I can sleep in, keep my feet up and do nothing much of anything. Other than rest that is.

Should the doctor not see things my way, it is possible that I may utter threats that I could easily follow through with. I do have plenty of supportive friends, you know?

Hitatchi Orgasm

Still pregnant and not feeling well.

Though today I did muster up strength to turn on my Hitatchi and grind myself onto its end for a powerful, long over due orgasm.

When Jason came home from work and saw the toy and a bottle of warming lubricant laying on the bed his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

I feel better for the orgasm, but no more horny.

Once this child is out of me, I can't wait to resume my otherwise bountiful sex life.

Wee Hours

I awoke at two this morning with a tummy ache severe enough to keep me up till now. Currently is it five forty five. Not my usual hours that is for certain, but hey I am working hard at not complaining and only stating the obvious.

For those of you playing along at home I am 37 weeks pregnant this Wednesday and have had a rough time with this pregnancy. It started out joyful enough, though since August has been quite difficult.

These past few weeks have been exceptionally hard on me and not assisting matters is the fact that I took way more on work-wise than I should have. Some huge projects, moving our business and a few other tasks that were, and are rather labor intensive.

My unwillingness to take any of my prescribed drugs for the purpose of pain management means that I am awake, and awake means that I bake. Currently in the oven is a nice big tray of delicious brownies. When Jason gets up for work shortly he is going to take one whiff of the house, and think I have lost my mind.

Oh well, I want a hot fresh brownie and I am going to have one.

After rambling yesterday about needing some updates done on the website regarding the new facility, I decided to out source the job. I emailed someone a few hours ago and asked this person if they could do it for me. I am rather proud of myself for doing this.

My plan for today is rather lofty. Dare I say I have so much to do that it requires a list for me to complete it all and not forget anything, I do believe that before I go anywhere, I should nap for a few hours first.

It's rather amusing watching me drive. I like my seat very close to the steering wheel, and well, my belly is now in the way. Plus I am unable to sit in one position for more than five minutes before the right side of my back cramps up severely. This means that I am contorted sideways while driving, as well as driving single handed so I can push my fist into the knot in my back for some brief relief. Driving is not something I am doing much of this past while, but today I must. Wish me luck.

The Game of Life

Sunday is supposedly the day of rest. Wish it was true that I feel refreshed after having spent the whole day at home in my robe after a late sleep in and now hours on the sofa.

Alas, it is not the case. I am still exhausted, edema filled and in pain. The medical issues I am currently faced with are rather daunting and personal, yet as you can likely tell are taking their toll on me.

There is much work to complete on my professional website to update it with information on our new facility, event offerings and a ton of other relevant data now that we have moved.

Perhaps this is a good time to get this underway. Or maybe I will delegate the task to a willing volunteer who would happily take this on and get it done promptly for me thus minimizing my stress level. Delegation is not my strong point, I tend to take on too much for me own good, but have been reminded lately by friends and medical professionals that this type of behavior is not serving me, and rather harming me.

Every move takes so much out of me lately, that I have had to plot my actions to ensure I have the energy levels to function doing the bare minimum of what is necessary in life. Getting this baby out of me should help alleviate much of my physical discontent thankfully.

The man is working today, rare for a Sunday. But hey it's overtime and with time off in his not so distant future, he took the opportunity to put in some extra hours. The teenager has been away all weekend doing something super cool and elite, and she is due home shortly. I can't wait to have everyone back so we can catch up together and share a meal.

We Read A Book Together Today

Jewelry Change: Clitoral Hood

My clitoral hood jewelry has been causing me some physical angst. It was never really the correct size for my hood being too short, making it a tight fit. My clit. hood is of an above average length, and so much so that no local piercer had a piece actually big enough, so the proper one would need to be special ordered.

It's been a year since I had my hood pierced and Jason had his PA put in. I've grown tired and sore lately from the ill fitting barbell laying alongside my clitoris. Especially since edema has swollen my pelvic floor and made it an excruciatingly evident reality that it needs to be changed.

For the last while I have even complained about it loudly enough that a friend went and ordered me a new piece of jewelry of a new shape (a banana) and a better length to make me happy.

The new piece has been either in my purse or on top of my dresser for about two months now and I have yet to get around to having someone put it in me.

Remembering of course that with the size of my pregnant belly, I have not been able to locate my own vulva in some time and can only see the jewelry while laying on the floor in front of a mirror.

An hour ago after getting out of the tub, I spread my legs for my guy and had him put in the new piece. Oh, the sweet relief of having that tight bit of stainless steel out of me and replaced with something more suitable for pleasure and aesthetics.

Thanks MN, the gift is in place and already making me happier.

In the crowds

The Taboo Sex Show always is a big work period in my calendar year and in classes of mine are usually some extraordinary people that I run into who come as a surprise.

First off we had Jason's mother. She came to visit from the island to do some city shopping and to take in the show itself along with my bondage, cock sucking and hand jobs class. She wasn't a surprise attendee, rather her response to my educating was so surprising.

Let me tell me you, it was an surreal experience to have my mother in law in the very front row of classes with me. To look out into the audience and to feel her eyes on me. I was fairly certain she was not assessing the size of my pregnant belly, but rather drinking in every last drop of information I was putting out there. The bondage class was innocuous enough to lead with her present, but the oral sex class, now that had me twitching just a wee bit.

In the oral on him class, I make many many references to blowing Jason and giving him hand jobs, as he is my main inspiration these past years. So imagine what it is like to talk to a few hundred people on stage about licking your mans balls, and nibbling his cock, making him beg for more and swallowing his cum while being stared at by your mother in law. No joke.

I felt it to be in my best interest to alert my attentive audience that she was in the front row, and she did not even blush. Her composure unchanged she took the applause and gasps in stride and remained riveted as I went on to teach for the next thirty minutes on such an inspiring topic.

When the class ended, dare I recall wrong, but I actually think she was glowing a little. I know why she wanted to be in that class particularly and I am amazed at her tenacity and conviction. I also know that since she left for home, she has written me to tell me how much it pleases her to know her son is happy and well taken care of with me.

Family love and bonding, what a unique environment for it. Could you have such a conversation with your mother in law about orally pleasuring her son (your man)? I could and did, and feel stronger for it.

Then there was my Butt Sex and Anal Pleasures class that I taught, it went remarkably well, especially given that the crowds were so severe that every seat was taken, people were on the floor all around the stage blocking the aisles and corridors to catch whatever they could that I was offering on the topic. At the end of this half hour class, a line up formed as many wanted to offer praise or ask a quick question.

Near the end of the line was a woman who I recognized immediately. My daughters Girl Guide Leader. "Enjoying the show" I asked? Her response "yes, it's quite amazing." "Did you see my name and decide to stop in my workshop room and say hello?" "Oh no", she replied, "I came to take the class and was able to catch the whole workshop". I smiled and nodded, all the while thinking how remarkable it is to teach the Girl Guide leader of my daughter, how to engage in sexy, healthy, and hot butt sex after she had done so much to teach my child about camping, being a friend, and of course being a good citizen.

It feels good to know that we all do our part to make the world a better place.

Of course as usual, and as happens each year, I ran into plenty of others who were surprised at finding me in front of the masses. It always leaves me in awe, that not only is most everyone interested in sex education, but they are almost always caught off guard at who teaches them what they know.

Glad it's me.

Crash, Boom, Bang

Orgasms have not washed over my body in a couple of weeks. I can not muster the desire nor the strength to go there.

It may strike you as odd that me, the woman that coaches many thousands of people every year on having a successful sex life has been to run down to have my own needs met.

It's true though, life can either be on your side or against you now and again when it comes to being sexual.

As of late, life has been against me, my pregnancy has reeked havoc on my body, and pleasure has been the last thing on my mind for myself.

Now and again I have a fleeting moment where I think an orgasm would be most welcome, then I realize it would take what little strength I have to make it happen, and my energy is best kept in reserves right now, because any moment I could need it for labor and delivery.

I spent the weekend (Thursday to Friday) leading ten classes to literally thousands of people on having a more fulfilling sex life and I did so to great acclaim. And as each class ended, it took all my energy to get off the stage and catch my breath.

This pregnancy feels like it will never end, and yet I am desperate to have it over with. Not just because I want an orgasm but because the ongoing medical issues are becoming so over-the-top that it feels as though I will never be the same woman again.

And yet, I know all of this to be not true. I know it will take some time, but that I will regain my desire, my body shape and my energy levels. In the mean time though, I find it difficult to watch others have such an easy time of life and self.

I am struggling, and it is with all honesty that I share this with you all. I know to some degree how so many of you view me. Super woman is the term regularly used to describe me. Well, my cape is ripped, and it's going to take awhile to repair. Excuse me while I tend to it, as you can imagine how important it is to me.

Supporting this Pregnant Woman

If you have the desire to do something for our soon to be born son or for our family here are a couple of options for you.

1. Look over our Baby Registry and see if you can find something their that you would like to gift us with.

2. Cook for us. We have a huge deep freeze and having it filled with precooked meals for our family would be of huge benefit to us. We are not picky eaters: meat dishes, soups, lasagnas and non spicy foods are most welcomed and truth be told, baked goods would make the family happy and would really please me as well. Don't forget we also have a teenager so meals should be made for three adults with healthy appetites.

3. Send cards and notes of well wishes to:

Jennifer
PO Box 28578
4050 Hastings Street
Burnaby BC
Canada V5C 6J4


Thank you to everyone who has thus far been so supportive and kind. The baby is still in me and yes, we are more than ready to get him out. Now if he would just appear, it would alleviate much of the stress, pain and angst I (we) have been plagued with these past few weeks.