Sometimes it's hard for me to fathom the amazing place I have ended up in.
My occupation as a sex educator and the last decade of my life as a sex activist has been a true roller coaster ride. On this ride though, you couldn't see the top, you just had to believe it was there, somewhere between the scary low points and all the loop de loops.
It's been nauseating at the best of times. Creating a place for myself out of nowhere and selling myself has made me, my own fairly proficient agent. Writing classes and developing content has been tiresome, though always original. No copied work here, yet when I look around at others attempting to emulate my efforts it’s often the case that they are not so original and obvious where they have stolen from.
I have produced an enormous number of events over the years, from stand alone one evening types, to on going series, parties, conferences and social events. It's been my gift to the communities I serve and I have done so with great pride. I did mention nauseating at times right?
The politics of sex are enormous, and the place where the biggest fight is always being fought is from within the smallest sub section of one community in particular and even in that from one personality type actually. There are a grand number of communities where I fit it and call home, yet the one spot with the most continuous issues of grotesqueness is the public BDSM community.
(Where I call home: the women's community, the queer community, the public & private BDSM communities, the nudist community, the polyamory community, the sexually alternative community, the kinky and a parent community, the bondage community, the sex workers community, the professional sex educator community, the spiritually kinky community, the LGTBQ community)I hold no illusions as to how YOU see me. Quite frankly I don't really give much time if any to pondering how you view me, it's not relevant to my journey. Nor do I wake up in the morning pondering the question. I get called all sorts of flowery names and even a few bad ones, and neither phases me. Your prejudice towards me is either based in your own shame about sexuality or your own ignorance as to what I do and who I am, or finally about your own insecurities surrounding my personal success.
I am loved, adored, admired, appreciated and sought after by those close to me, and those who do not even know me, but just need me. It balances out in the end. Call me what you will, but know that the words you use to describe me are actually a reflection on your own personal self, and not really about me, at all.
My place in this world, and as a professional sex worker is my own. I may have created my own spot here in the world, but I am kept here by those who employ me, and utilize all that I have to offer. I have worked tirelessly to be here and sacrificed more than you can possibly imagine to be who I am today.
I casually write my blog here, and endlessly host events to meet my own needs and to do what I see as my calling. We should all be so fortunate as to have careers that we are proud of. I take pride in myself and who I am. I own my self, my business and my desires. I don't talk for anyone but myself and I know my materials well.
If you hold me in high regard in respect to sex culture, thank you. If you do not, that's ok, I hope though that you do have some role models outside of yourself. It's important to look up to some one, to have a person you can trust that you can go to. Some one who may have been where you are right now, some time before you. A person willing to listen.
For many people I am their role model, their sexual confidant, their friend, teacher and guide. I covet this and have great respect for the trust you've bestowed upon me. Make no mistakes though; I am still your peer, no better than any other. Experience and time spent has given me a leg up on understanding where many of you are, because in my journey I was once where you are. I have documented my years in sex culture, and remained a constant attendee and participant on many levels, I don't come and go. I am ever present, here for both myself and for my career.
There are some who hold me rather high, and place me on a pedestal of sorts. Please don't, I fall easily and often and have even been known to break. I'm good at putting myself back together again, though it is time consuming and emotionally draining. I have no interest in being considered better than anyone, yet I am always aware that I have so much to share with people, that this is part of my gift. I forgive easily, so just because you've wronged me or treated me poorly at some point, does not mean that I would treat you poorly and wouldn't be there for you. Surprised? You shouldn't be? I am better than that.
We each have special powers; some of us have tapped into ours, while others are scared of theirs. My skills are educating and empowering individuals around sexuality and putting people at ease with what they have discovered about themselves. I keep people emotionally and physically safe all the time. It's just another part of my job and I am damn good at it. My prowess allows me many freedoms and affords me the luxury to be seen and heard by more people in a larger pool than you could likely ever reach. I handle this gift with great caution.
There are a few people who see my career very clearly and are in awe of all that it takes to maintain who I am and what I do. Then there are others, who think anyone could do it, and have it be so successful for him or her.
I make a living, a good living at what other folks do as a hobby. This makes for some jealousy on the parts of certain individuals. They were not able to transition with the grace necessary from hobbyist to professional as they were unable for any number of reason to put in the sheer number of work hours required to be here, and yeah, the sacrifices. Their Internet surfing and dabbling on weekends with play and kinky conversations is nowhere near comparable to my in depth intensive years of honing my skills.
To be here where I am, I had to let go of wanting to be everyone's friend. I had to let go of my vanity of fretting as to how others see me, from my neighbors, to my family and the general public. I had to sacrifice endless weekends, weekdays, vacation time, privacy and yeah, even relationships. I became singularly focused, my personal interests no longer mattered, what mattered was my career path.
Money ha, I let go of wanting (immediate) monetary wealth awhile back and started practicing the mantra, "do the job well and the money will eventually follow." I have worked for next to nothing for years, to finally be here today, finally being paid what I am worth. When one immerses themselves in study, learning and becoming proficient in a genre one should be rewarded eventually, if one is any good.
The line of thinking for some is that I and others like me, should give away what we know for free. The people who want our expertise and events for free are those who have made no contributions of their own. They haven't had to work so diligently for anything in their lives and do not value the effort it has taken to be so successful. There is little in life that is free and that which is, is often poorly done. You pay for what you get. In my corner of the world, this means attention to details, personalized attention, unique opportunities, and of course, a place where you can truly be yourself . I don't give away what I have worked for, it's worth more than that, but I share well.
I donate hours of coaching and counseling. I give away free passes to events. I donate time to schools and corporations. I even provide insightful answers to lengthy email requests with nothing in return. I remember where I came from and how Vancouver had no one like me when I started. I owe no debts for what I have become. I do my community service because I don't want anyone to slip between the cracks like I almost did and have to come up facing the underground of sex politics that can be so negative and damaging.
You get what you pay for, buyer beware. There is no regulatory board surrounding sex events and ethics there within. If there ever was I know who would make the list and who would never even make the cut.
Yup, the politics of sex does suck the big one and the politics of sex as a business are enormous, but for me, it's just another day in the office.
"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?" - Abraham Lincoln
