Pickles???

As you may already have likely figured out, we have affectionately named our soon to be son "pickle".

With this information in mind, we are really hoping to find something in particular to compliment the season and our sons nickname.

We are looking for "pickle" Christmas tree ornaments. Have you seen any? Where?

If you see one, pick it up for us please. This is exactly what we want for the little guys first ever Christmas.

Chameleon

Last night was parent teacher interviews at the teenagers school. We went. It was a worthwhile thing to do, as we are rather invested in her success.

According to at least one of her teacher, I look phenomenal for being eight and a half months pregnant and yet another teacher applauded my ability to stand in line for so long to see her.

Oh if they only knew how much I am suffering and am faking it.

I was so gleeful when we arrived home. Clothes off and robe on, drugs in me and heating pad on my back. There are few comforts right now that make a difference to my physical and emotional state, family being the biggest most supportive one.

Matters of the Heart

It has been quite awhile since I've fallen head over heels in love with someone that I had not been in a dating and serious relationship with.

As I recall, when I was younger, love came crashing down hard into my life and heart. Regularly and with lightening speed.

I could see someone casually a few times and suddenly feel the overwhelming intoxication of love course through my veins.

Relationships were shorter lived back then, but damn they were intense. From beginning to end.

This past decade I have fallen hard in love a number of times. Not a number of times each year, rather a number of times over the decade.

And lucky for me each person I have loved has equally loved me in return.

No one has not handed me their heart after I have confessed my feelings for them. Each person who confided their love of me to me, has also always been rewarded with my love in return.

There have been no "one directional" feelings not reciprocated. I have been fortunate in matters of the heart.

It has not been all easy, some of my heart throbs have hurt me, and I have broken a few hearts myself after awhile. Yet each person I shared that level of intimacy with, I've been committed to in some way for a fairly long period of time.

Short term romantic relationships where love is involved don't fall into my lap any more. And I am thankful for this. There is just not the time for me to maintain such a connection with someone.

Those who have my heart are all strong individuals who know how I feel about them, regardless of how often I see them.

I am blessed though to have found more recently the ability to differentiate between romantic, lustful, familial and friendship love. When I was younger, it was all rolled up into one package. The benefit to being able to share and celebrate all these different forms of love is of course that I am able to be more loving with more people, without having to make sacrifices of self or time.

How do you define love? Who is entitled to your love? Who do you accept love from? Is love something you have in abundance or an emotion with a limited supply?

The more I love, the more love that is handed to me.

Misery

I never, ever, ever, ever ever, EVER want to be pregnant again.

I hate it.

I can't stand for a moment longer how horrible I feel and the demands this period of time has put on my body. I am physically and emotionally drained.

Medically I have a list of woes that are getting more complicated every 48 hours, yet not-quite-bad-enough to warrant inducing me as of yet. (but I was promised if I was still in such a bad way at 38 weeks, the doctor would induce then)

I see now that I took on too much being pregnant at 37 years old, still working waaaay more than full time, existing as a functioning adult and moving a business. It was a dumb mistake on my behalf.

But I have suffered enough and I can't fake it any longer. Sorry folks, this sucks the big one. I am a wreck.

My sleep is horrible, the edema out of control, my ability to walk is hampered, heart burn that is a killer, my pelvic floor feels like a ton of bricks are laying on it, my stomach is constantly nauseous, difficulty breathing and the list goes on and on. Trust me when I say, that I've not even shared the intimate body/medical problems I am suffering with.

Tomorrow I see the Obstetrician, and again I will walk into his office and beg for relief. I have also canceled the rest of my days appointments so that I can sleep in, keep my feet up and do nothing much of anything. Other than rest that is.

Should the doctor not see things my way, it is possible that I may utter threats that I could easily follow through with. I do have plenty of supportive friends, you know?

Hitatchi Orgasm

Still pregnant and not feeling well.

Though today I did muster up strength to turn on my Hitatchi and grind myself onto its end for a powerful, long over due orgasm.

When Jason came home from work and saw the toy and a bottle of warming lubricant laying on the bed his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

I feel better for the orgasm, but no more horny.

Once this child is out of me, I can't wait to resume my otherwise bountiful sex life.

Wee Hours

I awoke at two this morning with a tummy ache severe enough to keep me up till now. Currently is it five forty five. Not my usual hours that is for certain, but hey I am working hard at not complaining and only stating the obvious.

For those of you playing along at home I am 37 weeks pregnant this Wednesday and have had a rough time with this pregnancy. It started out joyful enough, though since August has been quite difficult.

These past few weeks have been exceptionally hard on me and not assisting matters is the fact that I took way more on work-wise than I should have. Some huge projects, moving our business and a few other tasks that were, and are rather labor intensive.

My unwillingness to take any of my prescribed drugs for the purpose of pain management means that I am awake, and awake means that I bake. Currently in the oven is a nice big tray of delicious brownies. When Jason gets up for work shortly he is going to take one whiff of the house, and think I have lost my mind.

Oh well, I want a hot fresh brownie and I am going to have one.

After rambling yesterday about needing some updates done on the website regarding the new facility, I decided to out source the job. I emailed someone a few hours ago and asked this person if they could do it for me. I am rather proud of myself for doing this.

My plan for today is rather lofty. Dare I say I have so much to do that it requires a list for me to complete it all and not forget anything, I do believe that before I go anywhere, I should nap for a few hours first.

It's rather amusing watching me drive. I like my seat very close to the steering wheel, and well, my belly is now in the way. Plus I am unable to sit in one position for more than five minutes before the right side of my back cramps up severely. This means that I am contorted sideways while driving, as well as driving single handed so I can push my fist into the knot in my back for some brief relief. Driving is not something I am doing much of this past while, but today I must. Wish me luck.

The Game of Life

Sunday is supposedly the day of rest. Wish it was true that I feel refreshed after having spent the whole day at home in my robe after a late sleep in and now hours on the sofa.

Alas, it is not the case. I am still exhausted, edema filled and in pain. The medical issues I am currently faced with are rather daunting and personal, yet as you can likely tell are taking their toll on me.

There is much work to complete on my professional website to update it with information on our new facility, event offerings and a ton of other relevant data now that we have moved.

Perhaps this is a good time to get this underway. Or maybe I will delegate the task to a willing volunteer who would happily take this on and get it done promptly for me thus minimizing my stress level. Delegation is not my strong point, I tend to take on too much for me own good, but have been reminded lately by friends and medical professionals that this type of behavior is not serving me, and rather harming me.

Every move takes so much out of me lately, that I have had to plot my actions to ensure I have the energy levels to function doing the bare minimum of what is necessary in life. Getting this baby out of me should help alleviate much of my physical discontent thankfully.

The man is working today, rare for a Sunday. But hey it's overtime and with time off in his not so distant future, he took the opportunity to put in some extra hours. The teenager has been away all weekend doing something super cool and elite, and she is due home shortly. I can't wait to have everyone back so we can catch up together and share a meal.