Libido Lexicon 1

This is the new column that I've been contracted to write for the Taboo newsletter. Subscribe yourself on the left side of their home page so you can have their monthly installment sent directly to your in-box.

Libido Lexicon by Jennifer Skrukwa
August 2010
Column #1

Romantic relationships that last over years are the ones fairy tales are made of. Well that and good sex.

Let's be honest. We all want to maintain the fire and passion and yet over time these crucial points can fizzle out for all too many couples. In the early days, months and maybe even years, you were all over one another and the discoveries were charged with lust and fueled with libido.

As the new becomes the routine, It's normal to run short on ideas for how to create intensely playful erotic situations. This column is dedicated to offering up information and techniques that can inspire you to reignite your sexual energy and jump start your intimate relationships.

Every person has the potential to have a hugely rewarding sex life. The following ten items are more than just suggestions, each can help lead to a sexually healthy, satisfied and progressive erotic life. Do your homework and make more than just yourself happy.


1. Register in your local adult store for a sex class on a topic of interest to you. Then go home and work on developing that new skill with enthusiasm. Sharing the class and what you've learned with your partner will inspire you to try new things and step outside of your comfort zone safely.

2. Rent some pornography or view some online. The two main reasons for this are to help you develop a stronger language for asking for things in bed in a provocative manner and to act as background noise when already frolicking. The sounds of other people having sex is, for many people, as arousing as having other people in the bedroom.

3. Send your partner a dirty text message or e-mail in the middle of the day (not to the work address), with a promise of something to happen when they arrive home. The largest sex organ is between the ears so start your foreplay early in the day with a mere "when you get home tonight, if you were to come upstairs and take a quick shower, you'll find me laying naked on the bed, waiting to reward you for such a long days work". Or try, "the kids are napping and all I could think about is how great it would be to be making love to you right now -- how about later this evening"? Everyone wants to be desired, so remind your partner when you're thinking of them in a sexy way.

4. Set yourself up as eye candy -- dress for sex. Both men and women need to have some provocative clothing that really only sees the light of day when orgasms, lubricant and mutual pleasure are on the menu. Wear something in the bedroom that you'd never walk down a street in and allow your sexual energy to shine.


5. Do something outrageous. With each of you at opposite ends of the bed, propped up with pillows, surrounded by toys, masturbate with your partner. If both of you are touching yourselves at the same time, you get the opportunity to witness what the other does as techniques to stimulate themselves and you also gain the chance to share a connection of mutual solo pleasure. To watch our partner give themselves pleasure is highly sensual and exciting.

6. Manscape or landscape ... either way it must be done. We make our outer selves look attractive so we can go out to work or walk in the world feeling good about ourselves. Why would you not spend the time to care take your naked self? A few minutes of shaving your bits or at the least taming back your unruly bush with scissors will make you appear as though you are really interested in having your partner spend time between your thighs and will make the territory easier to navigate.

7. Talk dirty and do it well. If you're tripped up over what to say, fear not. Talk in bed about what is going on. "Oh my, that spot feels so good, keep rubbing me there babe". "Would you stroke me harder, right-about-there .... that's it, you are so good to me". "I love it when you lick me like that, don't stop". Talk about what you want and how you want it. Give directions and accolades. Our partners get great pleasure from being told they are tending to our needs well. Stay positive and praise often.

8. Share a fantasy. While having sex or in the aftermath of your erotic encounter as you lay alongside with one another, talk about that scenario that you have eroticized and find exceptionally hot. Don't talk about people you know, keep your fantasy removed. Disclose your burning desire to be tied down during sex, to have sex outside and be caught, to be spanked until you plead to mount your partner ... whatever it is, say it out loud. Give your fantasy a mini story and tell your partner. You will likely be surprised at what new ideas and scenarios you could both play around with if you just knew a little bit more about what the other thinks is wild and daring sex.

9. Plan a sex soiree in the living room, your backyard or when hiking on a trail this summer. Something incredible happens when we have sex outside of our bedroom. Just by changing the place where we are intimate, we are forced to try new positions, adjust to new surroundings and give ourselves permission to be naughty. It's hot when it's not in your own bed all the time.

10. Kiss your partner each and every day at least a half dozen times. Not those little hen pecks on the cheek either. Full blown, long, lingering deep kisses where you share breath with one another. Stare into one another eyes as you neck and whisper dirty little thoughts. Intimacy is built not just when sex is happening but in each and every moment you spend together. Make the most of your lip locks and smooch with the intention of allowing your partner to feel your raw sexual energy.



Over the coming year, we'll talk about tips, techniques and even how-to's, to creatively recharge your sexual self and that of your partner with purpose.


blessings, Jennifer

Jennifer Skrukwa has been a dynamic sex activist and educator for over a decade. The owner of Libido Events and Libido Lounge located in Metro Vancouver, she is a creative, vibrant, enterprising powerhouse of energy. As the 37 year old mother of a 7 month old son and a 16 year old daughter she is living with one child learning to crawl and another learning to drive at the same time. Besides her work as a sex educator teaching in the local sex positive community, Jennifer travels extensively across Canada and the United States, sharing her wisdom, knowledge and expertise on all things sex.

She has been a presenter with the Taboo Sex Show in several provinces for the last nine years, the lead educator for the past two and been featured in print in Xtra West, The Georgia Straight and the Westender. Her resume includes presentations at a number of leading BC colleges and universities, within the prison system, at numerous adult stores and for the BC Center for Disease Control. She has extensive private educational experience as an intimacy coach and is also a certified substance abuse counselor. Jennifer is passionate about her life’s work teaching and leading others by example; sex positive, bold and outspoken.

Libido Events & Libido Lounge http://www.LibidoEvents.com
Activist On A Mission To Initiate Change http://libidoevents.blogspot.com