My 36th Birthday

Today is the day I was born. Thirty six years have been passed and this occasion of my birth has been celebrated differently each and every year.

As a young child, I was thrown a party year after year by my parents. My school friends and neighborhood friends came bearing gifts, we played games, ate cake and everyone left with a goodie bag.

Around ten the parties stopped (my parents separated), I still wanted a party, but it was no longer deemed appropriate by some force greater than me: schedules and parents. Sighs.

In my turbulent teen-aged years, there were a few birthdays that were not even acknowledged. It could even be said that the day even passed by me, unnoticed more than once, sadly. Away from my parents living elsewhere I can only assume they knew the day and held a candle for me, with sadness in their hearts.

In between teen years and twenties I hated myself and the world and wanted no part of joyous life, let alone love and family. I rebelled, alone.

In my early twenties I was a young mother already and my birthday ceased to be important. I knew the date, but what really mattered was the day I gave birth to my daughter, not the day of my own birth.

In my late twenties a relationship partner made my birthday special. Honoring the day and making it memorable with gifts and cards.

In my early thirties I wanted to celebrate my birthday with friends and I did, though it was an effort on my behalf. Odd expectations on my behalf as I had so little experience being celebrated. My birth family and I had rekindled our ties and together we found a groove to pay homage to my birth that made me feel like I was a part of the family, again. All was not completely lost.

Here I sit at thirty six years old today. I am surrounded by more friends than I ever could have dreamed of, stronger family ties, a teenage daughter whom loves me incredibly, a wonderful man in my life who thinks I rock the big one and tons of self love as well.

My birthday is special, though what I find more special is the exorbitant number of people who celebrate me.

For a girl who was so troubled in her youth to arrive at thirty six so solidly held up by so many people who love me is enormously gratifying. I only wish I had in my younger years what I know now. It would have made my life so much easier. Then again with age comes wisdom.

Over eighty emails have poured in to me today. Cards, gifts and phone calls have kept me feeling special all day.

I am so glad that I made it through my youth, to be able to enjoy the gift of all of you.