Queer Politics

BEWARE

This is part rant, and part questioning. You've been warned.

Input from other people is often what it takes for me to understand concepts foreign to me.

I subscribe to a number of different message boards and forums for sex and alternative lifestyles to assist me in my growth of understanding. New ideas are constantly tossed around and for the most part, I can wrap my mind around them with relative ease.

But lately, there is something that I seem unable to comprehend, despite investing much time and patience to learn more about it.

It's about majorities and minorities in life, and more specifically in sex culture.

I see this often and it baffles me to no end. And yes, I do understand the whole privilege thing.

What's happening is one of the minority groups in our community, the *queer population is demanding their own events. Exclusive space and parties just for them. And it's been proposed that they can exclude anyone they don't know, or who does not fit into their definition of what queer is.

Now the majority is upset. This would include the (perceived) heterosexuals, cissexuals, bi sexuals, outlaws, intersexed, androgynous, trans and all those who prefer to not be labeled. And, those who fear not being accepted by this exclusive feeling queer group.

How is it that a group (that is a minority one none-the-less) feels ok with the notion that they can not only exclude others but also call that non discriminatory?

When specifically if the heterosexuals decided to hold a party only for those who have sex with the opposite sex, that the minority would not be "up in arms" about the disparity in this.

Pansexual (open to anyone regardless of gender, orientation or play style) parties are meant for all.

How can one group be so damning and put so many people in a box surrounding identity and sexuality as to exclude them based on how they present themselves or how they label themselves?

We need to find ways to foster inclusion for all. Yet if the queer community wants to segregate themselves from everyone else and declare themselves so radically different that they require playing and socializing away from all who are different, how can this be achieved?


How can this group of queers, cross pollinate to gain understanding, new friends, allies and support if they don't get their kink on with the rest of us?

The queers are saying that they don't want to be watched or judged by anyone who does not share their label whilst playing. For the most part, the majority are not judging ... I've been watching them for years. In fact, I see more judgment on play styles and identity from the queers to everyone else.

There seems to be this notion that queers perceive themselves as so radically different that they must be given their own space.

Each grouping of people is unique and truly faces its own challenges. And for as long as we continue to find reason to not see our similarities as sexual outlaws, we will forever face judgment from both the outside vanilla world and from our fellow kinksters.

We should be working towards a common goal of acceptance, tolerance and respect. As it stands right now, all I am witnessing is a lot of slurs, some bashing, untruths, fear and negative outlooks. Not very promising at all.


Why can't the queers party and socialize with everyone else? Why is it ok for the queers to act bigoted towards anyone not the same as them and not be called on it by others? Because they are the minority, they get a "get out of jail card" for their behaviors, however misinformed. Not.


Further what gets my goat, (no I don't own a goat) is that it is most often than not this very group of people that wants their own events, that also expresses their inability to pay for it. Like really, who pray tell is going to foot the bill? Are people really so clueless as to what it costs financially to host a party, let alone to lease a space where such things could take place? To pay for all the items necessary to have a party run safely, well equipped, with heat, lights, drinks, food, equipment, music .... the list goes on and on.

Groups that are successful from my standpoint are ones where they stand on their own two feet. They do not demand that others around them do things to keep there ideas afloat, they don't whine about something not existing, they set about creating it.

Then someone comes along and offers the physical space for this group of people to create a group and its moaned aloud, that it has to be basically free or low, very low cost. And that even if the event were created, then likely it would not even be enjoyed because of to many unknown dynamics. Talk about being pissy. Wanting something, whining aloud about it, yet doing nothing to support its emergence even when given the space and encouragement to do so. This is so contrary to being proactive that it is simply baffling.

It feels selfish, and at it's very heart, also discriminatory.

What do you think?

*the queer population I refer to is not "all queers", rather a group of louder spoken ones whom are in my sphere.

A Caning

This past Saturday was a class and a party at the Lounge. A work night for me. (kind of)

The class was on Fire Play and it was very well received -- there was a great group of people gathered and Larry the instructor did a kick ass job. Not only did he teach the subject matter in an easy to comprehend way, but he also demoed exceptionally well, thus giving a number of volunteers a taste of what it is like to be lit on fire for erotic purposes.

Dungeon Players, our BDSM party followed the class, and the turn out was fantastic. There were plenty of really cool scenes taking place everywhere one looked. And most everyone present played, this makes me very happy. Virtually every piece of equipment was in use and the social area was brimming with great conversations and happy people.

And ..... get ready for it. I bottomed. To a big, mean, man, with sticks. I did. We had prearranged a play date together.

I took off all my clothes, aside from my sexy pumps and laid my body out on my front side and surrendered. It was an experience I had been longing for, for awhile. He hit me with all different sized canes. Stingy. Sharp. Hard ones. Thuddy ones. Processing of the energy and sensations took my body less time to adjust to, than it took my mind. I mean really, it has been awhile. The mean man worked me over well and as he wound down the scene, he massaged me. Very, very cool indeed.

When everything was over, and I sat up, he and I talked. Seeing as though the experience was good for both of us on many levels, we decided to play together again. One-day-soon. The plan? For him to beat me up and take me down. Large heavy floggers. Rough housing. Heavy handed.

I'm excited just writing about it.

Now all he and I have to do, is to align our calendars again.

What's most cool about all of this, is that Jason was there as it happened. Cheering me on and wishing me a good time.

I love my life.

Want to volunteer?

On Wednesday June 23rd a group of volunteers are gathering at The Lounge to work on some projects.

If you are a member and have excellent carpentry, painting or fix it skills and are available on the date in question, we would sure appreciate your assistance. Bonus points if you have and can bring your own ladder, painting supplies or tools.

Would you drop me an email if you are available so I can fill you in on more details.

This is a working event, we will be socializing, but this will be happening as we WORK. We want to complete a specific list of tasks so we can move on to other things.

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Also, I am looking for three (3) very large chandeliers. Any ideas on where to find these used and inexpensive? Or do you have one in your garage you are no longer using that we can come pick up? The three don't need to match, but of course, each must be in good working order.



Thanks!

Mens Sex Classes Vancouver

I have been working really hard lately to complete a four part new series of classes for men only.

This is the finished version of the first and second classes. #1 is already on our calendar to be taught on Tuesday June 29th to men-only and class #2 is the second class being taught on Thursday June 24th.

1. Toys For Boys

Many men assume that sex toys are only to be used on women -- happily this is no longer the case. These days there are a wide variety of products available to tease, please and make male pleasure so much more fun to achieve for the novice to the more experienced lover.

For a great number of men using a toy as an enhancement is not a thought they have previously entertained. Though by the end of this informative class, you will have discovered a few new products that you must acquire.

We will cover solo toys, toys to use with a partner and toys that are enhancers. Come learn about what creams, potions, powders, lubricants, rings, masturbators, plugs, hand held devices and other accouterments can do for your sex life.

You'll be blown away with heightened orgasms and sheer delight at the end result from using many of these products.

2. How Not To Be The Creepy Guy - For Men Only

At every party I attend or host there is inevitably a very nice man who comes off to at least a few different women, as the lonely creepy guy to stay away from.

There are certainly ways to draw women in and there are even more ways to send them running.

In this class we will cover the top things that men do however subconsciously that turn women off and ensure you do not get the attention you are seeking.

Mens awkward advances can be the very reason that you never get any further with the ladies.

This class will support you in social scenarios but more importantly it will give you positive feedback on how to handle yourself in sex play space.

Spare Any Change

For five years and two months now I have been religiously writing here on my blog regarding my personal life and my professional pursuits.

I have shared myself to give others another perspective on sex positivity, sex work and the joys and tribulations of being a lone woman working in these genres.

It is my hope that you have laughed, cried, learned new ideas, questioned some of your own view points and values, been inspired to try new things and been a better more enlightened person due to reading along here.

You've seen photos of my real self and shared in my journey as an educator, activist, partner, kinkster and mother.

So after these five years, I have gone ahead and put a Donate Button, done through Pay Pal on the upper right hand side of this blog.

I spend my valuable time writing and if you spend any length of time reading here and would like to offer me a token of generosity for my efforts, there is now a way for you to do this.

And now back to regularly scheduled programming.....

workload

I have been exceptionally busy this past week or so. And as such I want to apologize for my lack of entries here. Soon enough I'll find the time to sit down and really put some thought into posting again -- in the mean time, I am jotting down notes on things I want to remember to write about.

There are a number of big projects that are requiring me to invest in them at this moment, so excuse me while I go take care of business.

Sex Events in Vancouver

We host an extraordinary number of different events each and every month at The Lounge. Some of these are more popular than others, and a number of them we have perfected so that they are always well attended.

Examples of a few of our events that are hot, popular and recurring ...

Exploratorium is a our sampler event, where, by dropping in attendees have the opportunity to sign up for an try a vast number of selections from the erotic arts. This event is enjoyed so much for everyone that a percentage of members show up every couple of months to partake since the booths offered change each and every month.

Deviant Dining is our potluck dinner event, and a drop in evening at that. Attendees just bring along a precooked entree item to add to the food table and the 24-30 people that show up all sit around lively dinner tables and eat while getting to know one another better. Each month we offer a different erotic dinner experience for entertainment to change things up a little bit.

Jack & Jill is our monthly masturbation offering and it happens on a Monday evening for two and a half hours. By far it is our most unique event and the average attendance is 25+. Women & men as singles and plenty of couples all gather for a 45 minute conversation on a different sex topic every month, then the lights go down and people start putting on live shows, jacking & jilling, riding sex machines and assisting one another to achieve orgasmic relief.

Couples Only Sex Party is our every other month offering to our members. Well attended at around 30-40 people gathered to meet others to have sex with, swap with, watch, have sex alongside and schmooze.

Dungeon Players is our BDSM themed party that we offer every other month. 24 - 45 people is the norm for this event. It is a niche offering and as of June we are now pairing this event with an educational offering each month that it is offered. This month we have scheduled a fire play class open to all to experience.

SULTRY is our couples only bath house party, at an off site rental facility. Sex, steam and sauna. An evening of wet debauchery celebrated 8 months out of 12 with anywhere from 36-50 people attending - plus an in house masseuse.

Sensual Massage Night is where 20-45 people arrive to have the opportunity to receive a massage from 2-4 people and to give massages as well. We put everyone into small groups where you will remain for the event. It is an erotic treat to have so many hands working you over all at once. People are respectful and kind, and you get the type of massage you ask for. Heated oils, massage tables, serenity sounds of music and fresh fruit. It is a night to remember.

You should really become a Libido Lounge Member, so you too can take part in all that we offer.

Measured Growth

So yeah, he is cutting his first tooth and barely batting an eye over it. And he is almost, crawling. This week in his little world is huge for him at 6 months and 11 days old.

Fight The HST

This was sent to my by my very good friend Craig. And since I don't want to face his wrath, I post it as per his orders.


To my friends in BC, and those of you not in BC but with family and friends in BC:

Read this, chuckle, then (most importantly) go here and find out where in your riding you can sign the petition to fight the HST in person, and then go and sign it -- assuming you agree, of course. (This is not one of those useless online petitions that are a waste of time. It's the real thing.) From what I've heard though, in order for a referendum on this to pass, 50% of voters actually have to vote in the referendum! So when the referendum happens, GO AND VOTE!

Oh, and forward this to everyone you know in BC and post it on your blogs in the next five minutes, or a plague of locusts will descend on you. Honest.


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The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of British Columbia. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" she said.

"I would really like to see Gordon Campbell and Colin Hansen before I die."

"I'll see what I can do, Father."

The nurse sent the request to the Premier's office and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived that the Premier and Finance Minister, devout Christians both, were delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Gordon commented to Colin, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us but it will certainly help our images and might even get us some favourable publicity ahead of the HST."

Colin agreed that it was a good thing. When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Gordon's hand in his right hand and Colin's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face. Finally Gordon Campbell spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

"I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ."

"Amen," said Gordon.

"Amen," said Colin.

The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two thieves. I would like to do the same."

Submission Vancouver

Taking Her Down

She's been a friend for a very long time. Our relationship started when her and her previous woman lover took an interactive sex class with me some maybe eight years ago now I think.

Fierce, strong, self aware, loud, intelligent.

I have always found her to be stunningly attractive. Her mane of brilliant red hair along with her luscious smile always catches my attention, each and every time I see her.

We've had sex more than a few times over the years and each time it's been so good. We compliment each others kinkiness.

I can count on her for a laugh, support, kindness and critical observations too. When I ask a favor, she comes through for me time and time again.

Her husband and I have frolicked a time or two as well.

In a couple of weeks our paths will cross for a few hours and my plan is to beat her. To take her down to a place of tears, to show her the depth of my sadism and to seduce her deepest masochist tendencies out of her. I'll play her well, and in the end, she will be grateful.

Black, blue, bloody ... she will be a mess. Giggling like she is prone to do when she is high on endorphins and pain. I'll comfort her and wrap her up in my arms as we sit together talking about the scene we will have just played out.

Because really, what are friends for?

Sexy Women

My good friend Uncle M emailed me this photo as it reminded him of me for some reason. Though I see no resemblance, it is such a lovely image that I thought I would re post it here for your viewing pleasure.

You can view Uncle M's website here and you can meet him in person every other month at Libido Lounge's Exploratorium event, where he runs our restrictive bondage booth.

All Things Sex [7]

The Economist has written a really enlightening article on Gay Rights In Developing Countries. It's a must read and I'm confident that you'll find the statistics to be jaw dropping.


LG parties are on the rise. LG standing for "little girl". This is where older boys in grades 11 or 12 invite 12 & 13 year old girls to their parties, get them drunk, then lure them into sex. As the media has been known to sensationalize their stories, I'm not 100 % confident I beleive this to be a hot new trend and not just a myth. However I asked my daughter about the term LG and she was already in the know as to what it meant. And for the record, the article was written by our local newspaper, The Province.

Tonight at Libido Lounges Jack & Jill, twenty nine people showed up, plus, Jason and myself. My goodness what a night it was, there was much fodder, wanking, orgasms, laughter and new friendships made. If you missed out, not to worry, it is a monthly event, and it's happening again on Monday June 28th for our members and their guests.

Go ahead, find me in this photo. This is my favorite beach to hang out in over the summer and soon enough the weather will be nice enough that I'll be down there sun bathing nude, a lot. Wreck beach is super wonderful. Of yeah, to find me, click on the photo WB Love. Then look for the last person in the letter V, on the left. I'm wearing a pink cowboy hat. This is further proof that I do get around.

This man actually paints with his penis. Meet Pricasso.

Drawing to a close

London sex district, we visited many adult stores here.


Berlin tourist walk, just blocks from our hotel. And then Berlins Check Point Charlie which divided the East from the West and behind that, the museum we next spent hours in.


No, we have dropped off the planet. In fact, we are in the US right now in a charming hotel with a full suite.

Tomorrow, we return home to Canada and to our home. What a celebration it will be to climb back into my own bed after seventeen days of travel.

London, Paris and Berlin was a life changing trip for me, my world view has been greatly altered. Plus I learned so much about traveling with a baby and how to navigate through foreign land and languages.

Speaking of wee ones, today Pickle is 6 months old.

A 1 KM stretch of the Berlin Wall

My heart swells

When Jason came into my life I was already a worldly woman. I had a child of my own who was a teenager, I had been in love many times and had my broken more times than I care to recount. Relationships had come and gone and with each I grew wiser just a wee bit more.

I come from a very turbulent childhood myself, my family history being sad and not very nurturing at all. I am perhaps what many might call a self made woman. Paying my own way through school and struggling with raising my daughter on my own while aspiring to build a career.

Not owning a home of my own, I was a renter who always had rent money, yet regularly lacked the funds to do much more than the bare basics and had to forgo so much. I was happy but weighed down with worry more than I ever would have shared. The struggle was immense.

Jason met me on the climb up and out of mediocrity. I was aspiring to be more. Building my own business, freeing myself of relationships that were not healthy, creating goals and surpassing them and not at all looking to be partnered with anyone else. I was on a mission to be successful in life and then thought that when I had all it all together, per chance, I just might look for a relationship again.

At public classes of mine, Jason sat in the chairs and took in workshops I taught. I apparently did not notice him for some time, well not personally anyways, just enough though to regard him politely as a student.

At Taboo one year I spotted him walking along and I struck up a random conversation with him. I asked him out on a date. I was not looking for a relationship of any sort, just interested in a good time with no strings attached.

What I wanted and what I got are two very different things.

I fell in love in a way that defies me to explain it. Jason became the-one-for-me. The man I wanted to marry. The one I would lean on and who would be able to see me in a way no one else had. I let him bear witness to my vulnerabilities and showed him the other side of "Jennifer of Libido Events".

Jason touched my heart in ways I had not thought possible. He cared for me with a depth of commitment that struck me as phenomenal. His support and thoughtfulness gave me the continued strength to claw my way upwards in the world. He taught me how to be a partner and he showed me how to have class.

My man has shown me repeatedly that I need not do anything on my own, that he will always be there for me. It is a powerful sentiment and action all rolled into one.

I was worldly on so many levels before Jason, but this man of mine completed the picture. We moved in together and he and the teenager fell for each other and have always had the most harmonious relationship imaginable. He treats and loves her as his own.

My life has changed in so many ways. Financially I make more than I ever thought I would, so now I've upped my goals in this area. My career has sky rocketed. I'm in demand more than I can make myself available. I turn down work even.

We are a couple, a unit, a creation of love and together we can do anything. We own our own house, have a child together, are raising our family, jointly growing a shared business and yet still have our own individual careers.

What I lack in knowledge or experience, Jason has in abundance and he so freely shares with me. I give back to him anything he wants or needs, and sometimes I am even lucky enough to find something to give to him that he didn't even know he wanted.

What was once a dream of a hard working young woman, is now the reality for myself.

I'm in love. And feeling rather introspective as I sit here in Berlin after being in London and Paris with my soul mate.

Paris Memories

I am way too busy (and tired) to write much of anything right now. Though here are two photos for you to drool over. Paris is most delightful in so many ways. The bottom photo is shot against the backdrop of the Louvre along the Seine, the first photo needs no caption.

Europe Day 6

Its just after 10 at night here in London.

This is a photo Jason shot of me earlier today as we made our way over to Buckingham Palace off of the London Underground. (they call the trains "the tube") The background is the London Eye which we rode earlier in the day.

Europe Day 2

My computer is still on BC time, though for your point of reference, I am actually eight hours ahead of you all right now.

I am in Europe, in London to be precise. Having arrived early yesterday morning and spending all of yesterday napping and in a general fog of jet lag. Last nights sleep was incredible and now we are awake ready to start our day. It's midnight for you right now and for me, eight in the morning.

Three different blocks of cheeses, four types of biscuits and lots of seasonal fruit was our late night snack -- greatly enjoyed this.

Today we are heading off first to the London Eye, then to the Tower of London, then over to Westminster Abbey. I can't wait, this is going to be really amazing.

More later, now it's off to the shower room to get freshened up so we can depart.

Contract Talk

This morning at four I awoke thanks to my alarm, dressed and headed to the airport. From there I caught a plane on a prepaid round trip ticket out of Province for the day.

I was met at my destination by a car and driver, then driven to the corporate offices of the entity that is trying to "buy me".

A day long meeting with the team and a personal interview with the president left me exhilarated. Then I was asked the big question "how much money would they need to pay me" for me to do for them what they are asking.

Flying home late this afternoon, I slept.

Life is about to get even more exciting.