on being watched

Let's put this in perspective.

I have been a sex educator for as long as my teen age daughter can recall back into our lives.

I've been hosting adult events for close to a decade now.

Over the years I've reached out a number of times to try and tell some one important in my life about my career.

There have been numerous opportunities and various reasons why I have attempted to disclose my life's pursuits and passion.

There is one person who is so close to me biologically, whom I thought would embrace my success now that I have reached such a place worthy of acclaim. In the beginning I kept quiet about my journey, but over the years its been hard to deny the growth which has happened to me professionally.

But instead of allowing me the space and freedom to be candid (about anything really in life) this person has put me into a box with a lid and marked me with their own easy identifying label.

The name on the box does not fit.

Nor in our relationship is it acceptable for either of us to have to pretend any further about the other.

I know you read my blog. And I am kind of flattered. I honestly thought you just didn't care about me enough to ask, and now I realize, you just don't know how yet even, to see me as an adult.

That you print out my blog, has me hoping its not your bed time reading.

That you go looking for my name and follow my work from afar is not the type of attention I want from you.

I want up close and personal.

It would be so nice to be able to share with you not only my successes and aspirations but to give you the details that I just don't put here.

This is for the general public.

This is not you.

I would tell you so much more.

You are family.

Get a grip on yourself.

Ask me a question one day about my work.

Allow me the chance to show you who I have grown up into.

Not who you want me to be, or who you tell others I am.

I am a mother, lover, sex educator, activist and your daughter.

My daughter & all around me are so proud of me, why can't you be to?