Catching you up

This quiet period from me on the blog the last month and a bit is the (obvious) result of the abundance of attention both positive, and some alarming, that I have received over the last few months. Most recently, the past couple of weeks.

I enjoy writing on my blog, it was daunting in the beginning, but now, it is a place where I look forward to leaving my thoughts behind. I resent the loss of it, and am slowly planning on returning to writing again somehow.

Regarding all the attention I've garnered as of late: It's all been disconcerting and heavy on my mind. This simple one line confession is huge. I never mention anything personal like that on this blog, this revelation reflects my need to show you the severity of what is going on.

I have retreated from view, as I make some serious decisions surrounding privacy, anonymity, and politics. A first, for me to draw back from something. That something would be the public view of my activism from my blogs perspective, as testament to who I am and what I create. I resent this.

It can be said, that I have needed and spent great numbers of hours already mulling over the matters at hand.

There is still much for me to figure out. The issues are large and matters sadly cross over into my personal family life.

How do I show you (ie the general web population) who I am, be true to my self in my writing, and keep safe my family? This, is my struggle right now.

There are few of you reading this right now, under two dozen.

Any brilliant ideas, amongst you chosen few? (there is only one of you I do not know, and you're a work friend of RC's)

Just to be clear, I have a file, FILLED with email requests from readers who want to become able to view and read these pages again. And the requests, and in some cases demands are continuing on an hourly rate to fill my in box ... the longer the blog stays down.

I knew my readership was and is large, but the onslaught of interest from new comers (due to the GS article), is much more than I am comfortable with all at once. They email me with positive questions, requests and at times hostility for my being "who I am", my in-box is regularly swamped, lately it has become a nightmare of people looking to suck me dry of information.

It is true I am a strong woman and I say that loudly. Though I am no force against vengeful, hateful behavior. It is not in my nature to fight, or war.

I also have only so much in me professionally to give away for free. I have a family, a life and I need, NEED down time.

My activism has grown much larger than I ever thought it could and is now providing me with opportunities that are shaping my future and defining me as a professional today.

There are individuals that have anger about my being seen as a professional. They resent both who I am and what I represent and they had found my blog and were attempting to manipulate my reality.

I am simply the face, the public face for sex-culture, and sex-politics locally to some. My mission of sex-positivity will prevail.

I am not frightened, just rather cautious. And tired of second guessing people and actions.

This is both *hugely* positive for me professionally, and as fucking negative on ones personal life as anything one could ever imagine. The negativity at the hands of people who feel as though that by strangling me, they can make the much larger issues disappear. The upswing, my mission and the goal of our culture is sex-positivity, and it is mainstreaming.

It is humbling at times, to be in this place for me and I find myself short on role models in similar pursuits. I am learning as I go, and would like support along the way especially at times like these. I am crippled lately by the bashing and the weight of this on me.

There are some fights attempting to break out in my world and in order to avoid an all and out war right now, this blog remains locked as I watch and wait.

(Just to ease everyone's minds, this all has absolutely nothing to do with Libido Lounge)