Relationship and Polyamory Day.
Started out making chocolate chip cookies with Turtles Hot Chocolate replacing 1/4 of the flour and an extra handful of chocolate chips added to the recipe. You'd think I'd be happier with 3 dozen over size morsels of love in my kitchen, right?
NOT
Early this evening I sent out the July Event Announcements to the mailing list and got that task out of the way. Then for the last couple of hours I've been preparing my daughter for camp as she leaves at 6:00 AM Wednesday morning from YVR to Ontario.
Packing her camping gear up has been stressful for us both and we were on one another's nerves through out. This mixed with the fact, that today is the birthday of someone I love and am a part from, has made the day an off one for me. I have some heart ache.
Regrets, sadness and a feeling of loss, what a day. I have such a difficult time with being down, I find it easier to pretend to be happy. Pretending does me no good in the long run and in the short term in denies myself and others the chance to deal with what's really going on, why do I even bother pretending? What am I so scared of?
My child flying across the country with out me. Her independence .
Relationship & love lost. My hurt.
But to those who love and know me, they can tell when I'm faking it. I used to believe in "fake it till you make it". Now I'm not so sure.
Should we show our frailties, sometimes? Never? To those we love as adults. And what about to our children?
Happy birthday to you, I'm hopeful you'll find this. :) I'm sorry I let you down.
hugs & love
Jennifer ... Vancouver's Sex Educator, Sexuality Coach and Activist. The content of this blog is not suited for those under the age of 18. What you'll find here is a written account of my personal journey in sex positive culture both personally and professionally.
