setting the tone for play

Standing on the sidewalk I was engaged in an entertaining conversation with a woman friend late at night on Hastings Street. We were speaking about her husband (and in front of him) and it was a conversation between her and I. He, her bottom and husband. He, my new submissive play partner.

As she and I spoke, I was telling her how sometimes men like to make a bigger deal out of something that requires work than need be, just so that they can delay having to accomplish said project. Of course, I was referring to making a zipper.

A zipper? Come on, you know what a zipper is? A sex toy. An SM toy. An implement of erotic torture. It's where you to take a bunch of clothes pegs/clamps, drill holes in the ends, and put a long boot lace through them all and tie the ends together.

Next lay your partner down and apply said clips to area in need of attention. (inner thighs are a good place to start and work towards the hot spots of genitals, breasts, sternum) Pinch em tight! Clip them on in a nice neat row, and then move them about varying placement of them by an inch or so. Tug on those clips, then twist them back and forth. Then when good and ready, take a deep breath, tell your partner you love them and with one swift PULL, you rip the zipper along the persons body, thus removing all the pegs and sending them into a squirming mess of moans and groans. For the right masochist or those intense sensation seekers, this is a great toy to play with and an easy one to make.

I had just finished telling this woman that she should have her bottom drill holes in the wooden clothes pegs that they own in order to pervert them in to a zipper. Bottom man then says, something to the tune of "drilling holes would be a lot of work, require special tools and be some big deal job." Not! No way could we let him believe this, or convince his partner of this. Here's the deal, I was talking with his wife and Top, not with him at that moment and we were discussing things to have him do for her, and potentially for me. Should he have been interrupting? hhmm, NO!

Does making holes in wooden clothes pegs require a drill and special tools? NO. And as I told both of them, he could do it with a hammer and a nail if he wanted to OR was ordered to. Men can make so much of the little things some times.

Anyways, when bottom man interrupted me while talking to share his woes over making such a toy, it was time for me to remind him that this was a conversation between his wife/Top and myself, and not between the three of us.

I'll negotiate play with him as we travel together through SM, but in these early days of discovery I want him to feel my control and power through my words and actions. The side walk episode was the first time that as a Top I believe I made him GULP. And I saw that gulp go down. It was hot to watch him catch what had happened, the start of a D/s play relationship and I've yet to lay a hand on him. Just toying with his head and trying to figure for myself what roads I want to go down with him and which we'll be side stepping.

Setting the tone for our play with clips or clamp has already started just by our sidewalk conversation and my reminding him of his place. I'm confident that when I do tell him that it's time for him to make me a zipper to use on him that he'll make an excellent one and also not interrupt me when I'm trying to tell him how many clips I want on it and how long the zipper should be. Why am I so confident? Because I believe that by having him make the zipper, delaying the experience of doing it and by talking about it around him (a lot) that eventually as much as he may be frightened of having a zipper used on him that he'll still want the experience from me. And he came to me as a bottom because he trusts me to do him no harm and to keep him safe even when it doesn't feel like safe is a possibility. I'm also sure that he will find the zipper to be erotic, because with me using it on him there's a guarantee of some Jennifer attention and loving at the end of it. Plus it's my hope to teach him how to eroticize pain and discontent so he may get the most out of his play time.

Rewarding someone well for doing something that is hard or scary makes them think twice about doing it yet again for you or on your command. With this in mind, know that I'm SUPERB at creating rewards and at creating want in my play partners too. It makes me feel powerfully sexy to have someone make a request of me for a type of play that I know they are either filled with trepidation over or for something that I know they fear.

So when you think of bottom man and the zipper don't think OUCHY thoughts. No. No. Think to yourself,"Wow, isn't Jennifer a giving Top, putting that zipper on him just so that she can have an excuse to wrap him up in her arms and presence afterwards." How nice of her to think of him in this way. A zipper, such a simple to make home made item that anyone could construct in no time....

and this includes bottom man.

FYI - I asked bottom man awhile back to think of a name for himself so I can write about him here. He's yet to get back to me with a pseudonym for me to us.

Jennifer