Growing Up Sheltered & Hurt

When I look back on my life as a young person (childhood through adolescence) I am amazed and saddened at how little exposure I was given to anything empowering that would have shown me the potential for me to be able to grow into the adult that I so wanted to become.

My parents did a piss poor job exposing me to new ideas & concepts, positive self thinking, dream realization and role models.

I shaped my own life and embarked on my own journey of discovery rather young. I was about 13 when I started branching out away from my family and witnessing the world through new lenses.

My teenage years were turbulent but I owned this period of time in my life. I wanted an adventure and I set about having one. Variety was the flavor of the day and each day I sampled something different voraciously. I was deeply hurt by the sheltering existence my parents had blanketed me under and wanted to brush these memories away in favor of newer better ones.

I was inquisitive, positive and believing in myself even though my mother was so hateful towards me. My father was deeply inappropriate and had poor boundary setting skills. Neither of my parents was very responsible with their child rearing and as such my brother and I payed the price for their ignorance.

My mother was by far the single most damaging person to my young self. She treated me in ways my children will never experience thankfully. My mother was cruel and unhappy and she lashed out at me, her eldest. My mother hurt me without mercy emotionally and physically. Due to her actions towards me I vowed from a young age to never ever be anything like her and to rise above that type of behavior to be happier, open-minded and more self aware. I knew my children would know unconditional love, acceptance and live without shame, and they do.

My mother set about to damn anything I ever believed in, longed for or cherished. My father invested in nothing and it showed in everything he was involved with.

Today in my adult life, I am without doubt fairly close to being what I had hoped to become while I was dreaming as a youngster. Seems odd perhaps to say this given that I deal today in sexuality and adult oriented business, but it is true. I wanted to be progressive, sex positive, tolerant and adventurous and I have accomplished this all.

Despite hurdles that seemed insurmountable at the time, and years of cautiously making my way, I have arrived happy to a most rewarding place in life.

My children will have every opportunity to open their wings and fly in their own direction of choice with me fully supporting them.