Why does the [out] BDSM community struggle so much with keeping new people coming back?
It seems at first glance for there to be more people involved in BDSM play than ever before in our society. Yet for the fewer number of people who "try out" a public function, the numbers go down exponentially for repeat visits.
Vancouver's BDSM community has been aptly called "high school for adults".
Numerous factors work together to ensure people not return to the public events that exist, let's examine some of the more obvious ones that spring to mind:
- environment of spaces that are rented and utilized: spacious sure, yet nasty, lacking classiness and with no ambiance
- many people are rather harsh, fringe, clique involved and filled with do as I say not as I do attitudes
- public venues that invite spectators to be able to view you as fodder
- drug use at events and alcohol use that makes what is already edgy play look risky as hell
- huge fluctuation in attendance numbers
- a physical "look" that is quite disturbing in respect to many of the regulars that contrasts greatly with how the public looks generally speaking
- types of play permitted and how this looks to new comers
- unclear or not posted play rules that are not enforced equally for all
- lack of a business and/or professional look to what is going on, looks rather clandestine
- on line drama between "regulars" that is read my many
- narrow mindedness in terms of how people play and comment on others activities
- gossip that is designed to alienate, make others feel important, and bash anything or anyone that conflicts with the cliques agenda
- too many titles and honorifics being utilized by those with any position of authority and for those with none, hoping for an ego boost by introducing themselves as (Lord, Sir, Master, Goddess, King Shit Know-It-All, Mistress)
- people inflating their experience levels as an attempt to appear to the lay person as more knowledgeable than they truly are (their skill sets inevitably show through)
It it obvious though to me as someone with a documented over ten years out in the public sex/ BDSM / alternative sexuality /polyamory communities, that the malicious bitter people can be found everywhere.
Any person who tells you gossip or hearsay is to be avoided, and cliques are the surest way to know for certain that someone is entrenched in the state of affairs that so negatively impact on those involved in our culture.
Want to get involved in BDSM and meet others? You can do so but remember that like in high school there are good students and schools, and then there are those that are the drop outs.
Don't worry, you'll recognize the drop outs. And more stellar are those to know who spout nothing about any one and always dance to their own beat while exuding personal success.
