Being Gay

Have you ever wondered what it feels like to be gay? Well, you need to know.

I guarantee that after watching the clip below you will have a whole new level of empathy for the challenges faced by those who are gay/queer/trans/bi.

This video will really help you to step into someone else's shoes before you choose to judge, hate and condemn.

Spend a few minutes and watch this entire YouTube video.

Happy Pride everyone. Educate, liberate and celebrate.

Blog Readership

I watch the stats on my blogs page to see how my readership is doing. Checking in on this data a couple of times each week. I also check to see how people find me using a feature that tells me from what referring link sent them along or what key words they were searching when running across me. I also check on regular viewer statistics and of course new readers as well.

With all this information available at my fingertips, it does make me wonder.

Would you drop me an email and tell me why you read this blog and for how long you've been reading? I am most curious and would like to hear from people.

Thanks.


jennifer@libidoevents.com

Griffin Gillan [Constable]

Yet another injustice. Our legal system has been on a down hill slide for some time.

A story posted by CBC about Const. Griffin Gillan serves to remind the general public that many of our publicly serving police officers have criminal records and are able to use there position to their advantage when it comes to committing crimes.

It is evident that officers, Gillan the most recent, can beat and rob a man and face a mere 21 days of home lock down in the evenings for his actions. Disgusting and not a punishment worthy of the crime.

How is anyone to trust an officer that may pull you over, or interview you over something, some day, some where. I have so little faith in police officers these days. You simply can not trust them, not in BC.

In our province of great cultural diversity one must be sensitive to minorities and as Gillan beat this poor 47 year old newspaper delivery man, he screamed racial slurs, and taunted the man by saying getting anyone to call the police was pointless, because he was the police.

Gillan's excuse, 20 drinks at bars over the course of the evening in question and a black out of all the events that transpired.

You know what you should be disgusted with? Have disgust for a legal system that failed to reprimand him fairly. Have disgust for Gillan, and his not apologizing for his actions. Have disgust for Gillan's drinking habits. Have disgust for the West Vancouver Police force where he is employed, particularly if they allow him back to the force after his probation.

Read up on the *very* brief PDF on the Standards of Conduct for the West Vancouver Police.

Write a letter on your feelings surrounding the Gillan case, and let the powers that be know how you feel about this officer returning to work, OR NOT.

Lest we forget that the West Van Police Force is the same one that permitted drinking at the station by officers one of whom was a female officer and driving while impaired. This was just a short while ago, oh yes, her name ... Lisa Alford.

Alford took sick leave after the incident or more aptly called CRIME so as she could collect her salary on the tax payers dime, despite the conduct she was sworn to uphold being thrown to the way side for her own personal agenda. Drunk at a police station and then drunk driving.

WVPF needs to clean up it's officers and find a way to enforce the law to it's own people. The cops.

Help a Girl Out

I need your assistance dear readers, surely one of you can help me out.

We are going away for a week, a whole seven days and seven nights. We are off camping amongst friends. This is a yearly trip that we make and we are always most excited about making the trek and spending time alongside our peeps.

This year though I'm pregnant. And by the time we go camping in September I will be just over six months along. A tent is not an option. There is a large trailer we can borrow but truth be told, it is just too big for our needs and for our Jeep to tow.

We are looking for a camper that can be loaned, rented or bartered privately. Something big enough for two people and that has a good bed in it. We do not need a kitchen, toilet, or anything fancy.

This camper can be a camper van, or a small tow vehicle.

Can you help, do you possess such an item in your garage or carport?

I can bribe you with a small amount of cash, alcohol, membership to The Lounge, free event tickets or perhaps something else yet to be determined.

If you have what I am seeking can you please send me an email ASAP, with the campers particulars and your contact info? Sending a photo of it would sure be awesome too.

You can reach me at jennifer@libidoevents.com

Coed Masturbation Vancouver

As I was driving this afternoon I found myself chuckling at what is my reality. On my back seat was 1200 give away items for this weekends Pride Parade, and all donated too, along with three most unusual large props. If I had been in a car accident they medics would have wondered what in the hell they had encountered as surely the contents of my vehicle would have them believing I was one randy woman.

Then later on I stopped at Shoppers Drug Mart, I have been shopping in the same one for eighteen years now and am rather well known there. While at the till one of the older clerks came walking up to me with a sly smile on her face and explained "it certainly appears as though you are...um....well....expecting". Yes you're right, and I am due in December, she was so happy to recognize my baby bump and elated for me all at once.

A stop off at The Lounge to deliver the contents of my back seat, and then I quickly retreated to my favorite day spa. It was time for a pedicure, air conditioning and the best massage of my feet and calves that I could have asked for.

A little shopping for new shoes, the perfect pair too as they match a dress I just bought. This made me quite happy.

Back to The Lounge and I set up for Jack & Jill. It was a busy night, with some members out even at their first event. The a/c was on, the place was filled with sexy people and the festivities began with ease. Even the new people found themselves with some action.

For me I was somewhat in demand. Hell for a pregnant woman, I sure get a lot of action. Two women graciously allowed me to give them orgasms, while another woman and I had an orgasm war. Who could ask for anything better, well I suppose watching yet another woman pop the cherry of one of our newest members was also a highlight. The underwear on our male guests were super sexy, most of the women were in lingerie that would have you salivating and the time just flew by as I witnessed one person after another getting off. Some people even multiple times.

Days like this are good as I am grateful to be able to do what I love for work and be able to do it so well. The baby, myself and my family are happy and healthy. I returned home at the end of a long and varied day to our new house, and was greeted by warm emails from friends along with the familiarity of a place that is my retreat from the hectic life I lead.

Tomorrow is another day and without doubt it to will be filled with activities that most would consider unusual, yet for me is a just another ordinary another day.

Creating Change

A recent post on a message board has had me thinking about issues that normally I wouldn't put energy into mulling over.

Why does the [out] BDSM community struggle so much with keeping new people coming back?

It seems at first glance for there to be more people involved in BDSM play than ever before in our society. Yet for the fewer number of people who "try out" a public function, the numbers go down exponentially for repeat visits.

Vancouver's BDSM community has been aptly called "high school for adults".

Numerous factors work together to ensure people not return to the public events that exist, let's examine some of the more obvious ones that spring to mind:

• environment of spaces that are rented and utilized: spacious sure, yet nasty, lacking classiness and with no ambiance
  
• many people are rather harsh, fringe, clique involved and filled with do as I say not as I do attitudes
• public venues that invite spectators to be able to view you as fodder
• drug use at events and alcohol use that makes what is already edgy play look risky as hell
• huge fluctuation in attendance numbers
• a physical "look" that is quite disturbing in respect to many of the regulars that contrasts greatly with how the public looks generally speaking
  
• types of play permitted and how this looks to new comers
• unclear or not posted play rules that are not enforced equally for all
• lack of a business and/or professional look to what is going on, looks rather clandestine
• on line drama between "regulars" that is read my many
• narrow mindedness in terms of how people play and comment on others activities
  
• gossip that is designed to alienate, make others feel important, and bash anything or anyone that conflicts with the cliques agenda
  
• too many titles and honorifics being utilized by those with any position of authority and for those with none, hoping for an ego boost by introducing themselves as (Lord, Sir, Master, Goddess, King Shit Know-It-All, Mistress)
• people inflating their experience levels as an attempt to appear to the lay person as more knowledgeable than they truly are (their skill sets inevitably show through)
  

Getting out of the public domain and into a private facility or privately hosted events and everything changes for the positive in most instances.

It it obvious though to me as someone with a documented over ten years out in the public sex/ BDSM / alternative sexuality /polyamory communities, that the malicious bitter people can be found everywhere.

Any person who tells you gossip or hearsay is to be avoided, and cliques are the surest way to know for certain that someone is entrenched in the state of affairs that so negatively impact on those involved in our culture.

Want to get involved in BDSM and meet others? You can do so but remember that like in high school there are good students and schools, and then there are those that are the drop outs.

Don't worry, you'll recognize the drop outs. And more stellar are those to know who spout nothing about any one and always dance to their own beat while exuding personal success.

Firsts

We were alone in the house this afternoon after a busy afternoon of running around with errands for work and home. Naked we christened our den for the first time, with some hot sex. Long overdue. Then we went and had a cool shower to rid ourselves of sweat and freshen up. The futon is a little small though we are acquiring a new bed for that room in two weeks, so things are looking up for certain.


The teenager was sitting on our bed tonight talking with us, while massaging my belly when suddenly she felt the baby move. This was a first and such a huge big deal for us all. I've been feeling the baby move for about two and half weeks, Jason for about a week and a half, and now finally my daughter has felt the kicks too.

Life is great.

My life in a nut shell

Yesterday was such a busy day at home, then I had to go to work. First a private coaching session with a lovely gentleman whom I have known for years, that went rather well. Then Exploratorium our BDSM sampler event, and all the volunteers and attendees to contend with.

Today is even busier. Jason wanted to go berry picking, but I had to decline. I really need to save my energy for this evening as I have two big events going on. So this afternoon was lawn mowing, driveway painting and packing for my evening.

Tonight I have a two hour private class with a dozen women for a bachelorette party; a combo class on cock sucking and how to achieve an orgasm for women. Then drive straight to the Lounge for our Naughty party which will already be well underway.

What a delicate balancing act I play with time and bookings.

By tomorrow I should be wiped right out. And yeah, we have plans for Sunday too. No rest for the wicked.

Forgiveness

I'm caught up in self this evening, working through old feelings and experiences wondering what's to happen next.

I was surprised recently by an old acquaintance who reminded me of our past together, not that it really could have been forgotten as it's almost always playing a part in my current life, our years entangled.

This journal is personal, it is where I often come to work out ideas and emotions I am going through and other times where I share my joys and successes. My blog is intermixed with professional writings at times, but always it is personally mine.

It would be nice to have had a ready answer to the question asked of me, yet I stumbled over the words and perhaps the sentiment of sincerity. Not disbelieving, rather somehow confused as to what an end would be like.

Time has jaded me, my memory clouded by hurt, objectification, and a sense of loss for what could have been.

Dearly I wish to erase the horrors created by all of us, alas I am not capable of such things.

Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.

Moving forward without looking back, creating change, being a part of positive change, what a refreshing idea.

Can it be done by a duo, or does it take the masses to believe as well?

It only takes one person to embark on a journey, though the more people along for the trek the easier it is to navigate.

Hurt has many faces, regret is recognizable.

The written word lacks substance for matters truly important.

The look of compassion seen when looking into a persons eyes is what makes things real for me.

Pride Vancouver 2009

Sat in on an on-line webinar this evening that was a mandatory meeting for all Pride Parade participants.

Thus far we have coordinated our volunteers, plotted our signage, reserved a vehicle, obtained corporate sponsorship, obtained bountiful private support, agreed upon volunteer attire for a uniform look and networked with outside entities regarding donated decorations.

There is still plenty to get done, but hey, we are well on our way.

The Pride Parade is Sunday August 2, hopefully we'll see one another there.

Bondage & Fire Play

Restraining Order is the Lounges informal bondage night and tonight for three hours everyone gathered together to hang out and do some bondage.

A long time friend attended, and since Jason was busy self suspending himself I made the decision to play with Jeff. (a pseudonym)

I bound him to the top of our long padded bondage cage with multiple strands of pink and greeen 8 mm hemp rope. Face up, legs splayed, arms tightly bent, and each limb independently anchored down to render him immobilized.

I plugged in my violet wand, and ran it over his balls ... he writhed. I laughed. Then as I ran it over the sisal I had tied his balls with, the rope caught fire. Just-a-little. A small wee bit of smoke, some sparks and the smell of burnt rope. And maybe the smell of burnt pubes.

It was sort of amusing, watching the look of horror on his face and he fretted over whether or not his jewels were about to be fried. So not the case. By turning off the wand, the fire went out immediately.

He lived, was not burned and even enjoyed our play scene. Some times the play that is the most fun, is the stuff that is not planned or orchestrated.

Random Sex Trivia

• Three out of a thousand men (0.3%) are well endowed enough to fellate (blow) themselves to orgasm. I would certainly love to witness this in person, all three of them that is.

• Among primates, man has the largest and thickest penis. Good news for those of us who love male human cock and not animals.

• The male fetus is capable of attaining an erection during the last trimester. Our recent ultrasound showed our son to have a rather substantial boy package already.

• Odors that increase blood flow to the penis:lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie. They forgot to mention the scent of "wet pussy".

• It's been estimated that one out of every two hundred women is born with an extra nipple. I've actually met a few men and women over the years with a third nipple and been shown the third.
  

• A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex. Many women I know use sex and orgasms as a way to fend out menstrual pain.

• Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. I swam with dolphins in Cuba earlier this year and loved it.

• Couples attempting to conceive average five and one-half months of unprotected intercourse before succeeding. So not our experience, we did it in 2 weeks.

• The black widow spider eats her mate during or after sex. I like to keep my mates around for future copulating and sometimes even for conversations.

• The word 'gymnasium' comes from the Greek word gymnazein which means to exercise naked, which often was done in ancient Greece. I would love a gym where everyone was nude, I might even stop staring long enough to work out myself.

• Both humans and porpoises have one social sex practice in common--group sex. We should invite some porpoises to the next Couples Party at The Lounge.

• Oneirogmophobia is the fear of wet dreams. I can't even pronounce that word, that's ok though as wet dreams don't scare me, they excite me.

Heat Stroke

Plenty of happenings are swiftly approaching and they are devouring my available time. Either I am planning or executing as of late, and this madness won't end for a couple of more weeks. And when it does I will be good and ready for the holiday that the man and I are escaping on together.

The house is really coming together and we are settling in well. There are still some items in boxes but for the most part we are all unpacked. On the island in the kitchen is the list of things that need to be done, the little tasks that keep showing themselves and I just keep tacking them onto that list and slowly crossing them back off once completed.

The garden is a project for next year, as we moved in to late this year to even bother with it. But, I am eager to get into the soil so we can start growing some veggies and flowers of our own.

Before I turn off the lights off this evening, it is my *hope* to finish uploading the August event listings to the Libido calendar on-line. I have done much of it already today yet there is still more to go. (((insert loud sigh))) So if you are patiently waiting for it, thank you.

Pregnancy, heat and a heavy work load are not sitting well with me today.

Night all.

Pregnancy Photos at 20 weeks

Hi Mom. Pretty cool huh?

This is the half way point, 20 weeks.

My boobs are so large that I am thinking of hiring someone to hold them up and blow under them to keep me cool. They are heavy, sweaty and huge; some assistance would be wonderful. Do you think this would be a difficult job to fill?

Anyways, I considered scanning my ultrasound photos and putting them on-line but decided against it. I have a policy about not showing photos of my daughter or talking about her in any detail at work or on my blog here, and the same policy now applies to our unborn son.

Those of you close enough to meet the little fellow, will be able to do so in just a few more months. Our inner circle.

Jason (RC) took these photos an hour ago. In 6 weeks is the first of our 4 pre booked professional pregnancy shoots, and these should leave us with an impressive collection of memories to share.

Inappropriate Touching

It's about time I posted some pregnant photo's. Enough people have been asking me for images of my belly and breasts, that I believe I should finally upload a few.

Everywhere I go lately people are touching my belly and commenting on my glow and aura. For the most part this does not bother me, in fact, I feel complimented. Only because I like and know most of these people.

Recently I have had some experiences where strangers, particularly men have just reached out and rubbed my belly like we were close friends. And then had the audacity to try and flatter me with comments on my beauty and radiance.

Bitch slapping someone I don't know for touching me does not really seem all that harsh given the nature of the transgression, yet it is not something I have felt compelled to do quite yet. I suspect though that if enough insensitive men continue this non consensual touching theme, I may just deck them.

Consider this a warning to all men, should you see a pregnant woman who you do not know, or whom you do not even know well enough to give a hug to when running into her, then touching her pregnant belly is grossly inappropriate.

I am a fairly tolerant person and forgiving too, but this is over-the-top. Plus if my man were present when this was too happen to me, I shudder to think what he would do to you.

Photo's tomorrow of my belly and me.

Leader, and Leadership

In a recent on line conversation thread, someone posed a question about the responsibilities of event organizers to their guests.

After receiving minimal input from the very groups of businesses he named (only one replied) many other people stepped in to offer insight. Each of these people not being a business, rather being individuals who put together offerings out of their personal homes. (they also pay no taxes, have no business licenses, pay no rent on a facility, so on and so on)

Then when the original author realized after a few days he was not going to get any input from most, he painted the businesses all with the same damming brush for not answering his public questions.

I found it somewhat ironic to be placed amongst the list of requested people to spring forth and answer him given his propensity to get caught up in community drama over the years.

I also found it amusing that those of us listed by him originally started as being called event organizers, and rather rapidly were referred to as "Leaders" in our community. Now which community he was referring to eludes me, alas I did not feel it important to ask for clarification.

Somehow in one short post I went from being an event organizer, to a Leader. That's a lofty title to be bestowing upon someone, especially a person who didn't even ask for it, nor wants it.

Being referred to as leader when not even asked and given the chance to decline is rather disturbing and also presumptuous about my motives behind what I do.

I don't own and operate Libido Events and Libido Lounge to be a leader. I don't teach to be called a leader, I don't do coaching work to be considered a leader. I am not involved in sex culture to be a leader.

I do all that I do as I recognize it's value to those who seek me out for what I have to offer them.

I am certainly aware that many people consider me a role-model, and I am flattered by this. Though I very clearly see the differences between being a leader and a role model.

My standards of behavior, regard, ethics and personal responsibility are higher than many others. Then again, I am a business owner charged with maintaining such standards in order to ensure the success of my career, others privacy and access to a safe place to explore their sexuality.

Calling me a leader is a title I will not permit someone to pin on me.

I am a business owner, with a long term plan for my pursuits and for those who frequent my non political corner of the world.

Am I required to step up each time someone wants to ask questions of me in a public forum who is not a part of my business? I think not.

Am I supposed to prescribe to someone else standards and beliefs because they put them out on the internet? I think not.

Call me an activist, educator, coach, healer, lover, listener, creator, business owner, professional speaker, event organizer: but keep the fucking title of leader to yourself, because I sure in the hell don't want it.

And the results are

Our appointment for my scan was this morning at eight, and I was to arrive on time with one full liter in my ready to explode bladder.

I was good and followed the instructions to the letter.

She scanned my belly with Jason outside in the waiting room as partners are not permitted in the room until the end of the ultrasound.

Then after fifteen minutes of squishing my belly about and clicking photos, she went and got my guy.

When they returned she showed us the babies face, eyes, nose and mouth. Then the hands and each digit, along with the feet and of course the toes.

We then saw the spine, heart and umbilical cord.

Then the baby did a somersault on the monitor, right then and there. This of course made the little one moon us and we could see each perfect butt cheek.

Imagine our glee as we also were shown the most glorious view of his penis.

We are having a boy.

And we have the photos to prove it.

**yes I know I used the name Jason in the writing of this post. RC is Jason and Jason is RC. Thank you to everyone who emailed me thinking I didn't realize what I had done. Jennifer and Jason are having a baby boy and now we make a family of four.

Pregnant & Kinky

In less than 24 hours, we find out. At 8 AM tomorrow morning is the ultra sound where we will finally know if the baby is a girl, or a boy. I am so excited I could almost pee myself. Then again my bladder is the size of a grape lately, so peeing myself doesn't actually seem all that unusual. Anyways, I am very happy.

Tonight's Deviant Dining had fourteen people at it. The night was absolutely lovely, the food more than this pregnant woman could have asked for and, the talk was a wide range of perfect topics for such a feisty group.

A few minutes ago, RC felt the baby move for the first time.

This whole day rocked.

Attractive Qualities

When looking at individuals, I find myself attracted to a wide range of differing types. There are a great number of qualities that I look for in someone and many others that are distinct deal breakers.

Putting the turn-offs first, here is a list that makes "a potential" no longer on my radar:

1. if you are a smoker
2. if you have no job
3. if you don't practice good hygiene
4. if you have no hobbies
5. if you have little interest in sex
6. if you have little to no interest in BDSM
7. if you can't be out about me and my career
8. if you dislike children
9. if you are a drug user
10. if you have poor table manners
11. if you are regularly tardy
12. if you blame others for your troubles
13. if you are unimaginative
14. if you don't drive

And now the list of who actually catches my eye:

1. you are gainfully employed
2. you are tolerant, open minded and sex positive
3. you love life
4. you find sex and sexuality to be at the center of a relationship
5. you are creative and passionate
6. you are funny enough to make people laugh
   
7. you own your life and responsibilities
8. you are full of surprises, initiative and personally driven
9. you have strong family ties
10. others find you to be honorable
11. you have a career you find fulfilling that meets your needs plus more
12. you noticed me, yet didn't try to get in my pants without courting me first
13. you are organized, tidy and know how to keep clean your own home
    
14. you can keep plants and perhaps even pets alive
15. you believe in ethical non monogamy & are able to practice it

Aches & Pains

Now and again you just need to splurge on something big. Today was that special day.

I bought an electric Shiatsu back massage station.

It is quite simply the best investment ever. This simple machine alleviates aches and pains. How cool is that.

My plan is to use it all through my pregnancy and delivery too. I *may* even allow other family members to make use of it when I am not on it.