On Monday January 17, I made a post about a man writing me, wishing "special treatment". In other words, this man had written me because he was seeking to become a Lounge member, without having to do the mandatory orientation class that everyone has to take.
Then low and behold, , I get yet another email. From another man. This time, this chap writes and says "thank you for writing about me on your blog, I am the man wanting special treatment that you were referencing".
I write this clueless chap back and let him know, that in fact, I was not writing about him. I even checked the mans email address and who I had been writing about, was not this guy. So I let him know this.
Then the man writes me back again (like I have nothing better to do, than to read countless emails from him) and says
"Well, on your post titled "special treatment" you said that a someone wanted to enter the lounge without having to go through orientation, and at the time, I was trying to do that by emailing you back and fourth about that.
I might be mistaken. Perhaps there is another guy."
BINGO.
Dude. You are not a special snowflake and certainly not the only man to write me asking me to make some special considerations, just-for-you.
This happens all the time. And only from men. You are not the first, nor will you be the last.
So follow along. Read my words and get a clue.
Everyone in my world is special. Because everyone enters the exact same way. Through, member orientation.
And you trying to back door the orientation process, makes me not want to know you. Show some respect not just for me but for everyone else who surrounds me who did the footwork to be where they are with the Lounge.
Jennifer ... Vancouver's Sex Educator, Sexuality Coach and Activist. The content of this blog is not suited for those under the age of 18. What you'll find here is a written account of my personal journey in sex positive culture both personally and professionally.
Showing posts with label Ethics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ethics. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Monday, September 28, 2009
Boundaries & the creation of
Without doubt, I am rather skilled at creating boundaries that keep my family life and my personal life drama free.
It is a challenge though for me to create and maintain professional boundaries due to working within such a highly charged environment of uniquely diverse people.
There always seem to be unusual circumstances, or more than meets the eye going on. This in turns means what I would not permit to be around me personally by way of issues, can at times be present at work.
The creation and maintaining of good boundaries is what keeps one safe, sane and enjoying life.
When do you draw the line and create absolutes?
How do you tell someone in a professional context that they are not welcome in your world? Do you explain why?
I want to be fair on the one hand, and I also want to be tolerant. Yet I refuse to feel taken advantage of, or as though someone is attempting to squash me. Business or not, it is my responsibility to ensure I continue enjoying my profession with out resentment towards people or situations. I certainly don't need any one persons business dollars enough to permit them to cross my boundaries.
So advice on the boundaries questions would sure be appreciated.
=====
A couple from yesterdays orientation wrote about the experience. Check it out.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Choices
It can be said that I am popular in certain arenas and amongst many lovely people. I am flattered by this and enjoy the friendships and opportunities that present themselves because of this fact.
It can also be said that I attract people to me like a flame attracts moths. I am bright and noticeable, people for the most part enjoy being around my energy and self.
One of the draw backs of being shiny, is that sometimes I attract the attention of people whom I'd rather not have.
I am friendly, cordial and kind to everyone, yet there are always those that push the limits of my niceties.
If we are friends or even regular acquaintances, we are apt to embrace when seeing one another after an absence or upon hello's.
If we are travel in similar circles we likely engage in personal levels of intimate chit chat from time to time.
Some people obviously are way closer to me than others, this is life.
I am known by more people that I can keep up with. Though I do try to recognize those that treat me kindly and attempt to learn something about each person. It is a challenge though.
There are certain individuals who grate me the wrong way. It is not relevant who they are, what is more important is for me to admit that this is true: I do not like everyone. Nor do I have to. I am entitled to my feelings.
What bothers me is the people who know I do not care for them, yet still spend time vying for my attention. If I have an issue with a person I tell them thus freeing myself from someone trying to know me better. I save my energy levels for those whom I want to know, not for those who throw themselves at my feet.
If you know we are not friends, stop pretending that we are. Watching people trying to get into my circle of peers using my name or the pretense that we are friendly really pisses me off. Don't make me have to tell others why I do not trust or like you. Just leave me alone, or find a way in that does not involve using my name.
I have spent years cultivating my network and it is shared with those who have good values, ethics, boundaries, communication skills and whom are trustworthy. If we are not friends, the aforementioned list should give you an idea as to "why not".
I don't fake making nice either. Either we are friends, or we are not. Don't schmooze me in public and dis me privately. I will never do either to you. What you see is what get from me and of me.
Don't follow me around like a stalker, it won't help your case. I see you, I am just not interested in you.
Don't attempt to make friends with those closest to me as a way to me. I'm not playing your game.
Leave my partners out of this, I tell them everyone. Beware.
It can also be said that I attract people to me like a flame attracts moths. I am bright and noticeable, people for the most part enjoy being around my energy and self.
One of the draw backs of being shiny, is that sometimes I attract the attention of people whom I'd rather not have.
I am friendly, cordial and kind to everyone, yet there are always those that push the limits of my niceties.
If we are friends or even regular acquaintances, we are apt to embrace when seeing one another after an absence or upon hello's.
If we are travel in similar circles we likely engage in personal levels of intimate chit chat from time to time.
Some people obviously are way closer to me than others, this is life.
I am known by more people that I can keep up with. Though I do try to recognize those that treat me kindly and attempt to learn something about each person. It is a challenge though.
There are certain individuals who grate me the wrong way. It is not relevant who they are, what is more important is for me to admit that this is true: I do not like everyone. Nor do I have to. I am entitled to my feelings.
What bothers me is the people who know I do not care for them, yet still spend time vying for my attention. If I have an issue with a person I tell them thus freeing myself from someone trying to know me better. I save my energy levels for those whom I want to know, not for those who throw themselves at my feet.
If you know we are not friends, stop pretending that we are. Watching people trying to get into my circle of peers using my name or the pretense that we are friendly really pisses me off. Don't make me have to tell others why I do not trust or like you. Just leave me alone, or find a way in that does not involve using my name.
I have spent years cultivating my network and it is shared with those who have good values, ethics, boundaries, communication skills and whom are trustworthy. If we are not friends, the aforementioned list should give you an idea as to "why not".
I don't fake making nice either. Either we are friends, or we are not. Don't schmooze me in public and dis me privately. I will never do either to you. What you see is what get from me and of me.
Don't follow me around like a stalker, it won't help your case. I see you, I am just not interested in you.
Don't attempt to make friends with those closest to me as a way to me. I'm not playing your game.
Leave my partners out of this, I tell them everyone. Beware.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friends & Ignorant People
I had a wonderful sleep in this morning, till 10. Then I saw clients in the office just after noon. Wonderful women, and I was able to easily give what they needed. Came home and had a mid day nap, which was needed as my body has still not fully recovered from this latest bout of illness that has been plaguing me.
Squeezed in a short bit of time with my daughter after school and had a chance to catch up with her and her interesting teen-world.
I found this phone number on the evening news ... 1 866 580 3625 It is the DO NOT CALL REGISTRY for those of us who no longer wish to be contacted by telemarketers. I've tried a few times to get through and get registered, however since the program just launched today, the number has been busy, non stop. Get yourself registered if you are like me and sick and tired of being hounded by fruitcakes trying to sell me things I never asked for.
Then back to the Lounge again for a working event where a number of writer volunteers met me to assist with the rewrites of all of my class write ups. We're getting this all done in time for the new websites launch. Six different individuals working fervently towards a similar goal had the work done in just three hours. My friends ROCK - thank you to each of you who helped out.
RC came by The Lounge after his work day, and assembled our brand new tripod swing. Oh My Goddesses, wait till you climb in and feel for yourself what a ride it is! We have amassed an incredible collection of BDSM equipment, sex machines, and sex equipment too.
Now we are all home together and it is soon nights end. RC is eating in the dining room, my daughter and i are in the living room side-by-side on computers and we are all tired. My In Box is just about caught up and next I'm going to spend a short while before bed, loading events into the new calendar.
You know your good, when others mimic you. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, BUT it also just shows how dense some people are that they can't even create anything new themselves, by idea or even by topic. I appreciate everyone sharing how much they find laughable these copy cats and how mocking their attempts is now a community joke.
Squeezed in a short bit of time with my daughter after school and had a chance to catch up with her and her interesting teen-world.
I found this phone number on the evening news ... 1 866 580 3625 It is the DO NOT CALL REGISTRY for those of us who no longer wish to be contacted by telemarketers. I've tried a few times to get through and get registered, however since the program just launched today, the number has been busy, non stop. Get yourself registered if you are like me and sick and tired of being hounded by fruitcakes trying to sell me things I never asked for.
Then back to the Lounge again for a working event where a number of writer volunteers met me to assist with the rewrites of all of my class write ups. We're getting this all done in time for the new websites launch. Six different individuals working fervently towards a similar goal had the work done in just three hours. My friends ROCK - thank you to each of you who helped out.
RC came by The Lounge after his work day, and assembled our brand new tripod swing. Oh My Goddesses, wait till you climb in and feel for yourself what a ride it is! We have amassed an incredible collection of BDSM equipment, sex machines, and sex equipment too.
Now we are all home together and it is soon nights end. RC is eating in the dining room, my daughter and i are in the living room side-by-side on computers and we are all tired. My In Box is just about caught up and next I'm going to spend a short while before bed, loading events into the new calendar.
You know your good, when others mimic you. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, BUT it also just shows how dense some people are that they can't even create anything new themselves, by idea or even by topic. I appreciate everyone sharing how much they find laughable these copy cats and how mocking their attempts is now a community joke.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Michael Kandola does a Hate Crime
Given what I have read thus far on this matter, and heard the victim speak of, it is fitting that Michael Kandola's actions be prosecuted as a "Hate Crime" on top of the charge of "Assault" that has already been filed against him.
Kandola broke a mans jaw in THREE places, with one sucker punch when he had no reason to. He was not provoked, and did not even know the victim.
Kandola hates gays, and used sexual orientation slurs to further punch home his message to the poor young fellow who was simply walking down a street holding the hand of his same-sex friend, before being dropped to the ground, broken and battered.
The full article found in the Vancouver Sun can be read here. The photo of Kandola is to show YOU the face, of this horrid man, so filled with hate that he thinks he is above the law and able to harm anyone at will.
Remember this face, tell your friends and family his name, shame him for his despicable actions.
The fact that our Crown Council wants him charged with a Hate Crime is further proof that the powers that be, are *starting* to notice the publics outrage at these types of crimes and the perpetrators actions as heinous and uncalled for. Of course it should come as no shock to anyone that Kandola was already "known to police" according to BCTV and the noon news.
And hey Kandola, many of us believe in karma....here's hoping your God gets to you, before someone else takes this matter up with you, aside from the BC Court system. What goes around, comes around.
Kandola broke a mans jaw in THREE places, with one sucker punch when he had no reason to. He was not provoked, and did not even know the victim.
Kandola hates gays, and used sexual orientation slurs to further punch home his message to the poor young fellow who was simply walking down a street holding the hand of his same-sex friend, before being dropped to the ground, broken and battered.
The full article found in the Vancouver Sun can be read here. The photo of Kandola is to show YOU the face, of this horrid man, so filled with hate that he thinks he is above the law and able to harm anyone at will.
Remember this face, tell your friends and family his name, shame him for his despicable actions.
The fact that our Crown Council wants him charged with a Hate Crime is further proof that the powers that be, are *starting* to notice the publics outrage at these types of crimes and the perpetrators actions as heinous and uncalled for. Of course it should come as no shock to anyone that Kandola was already "known to police" according to BCTV and the noon news.And hey Kandola, many of us believe in karma....here's hoping your God gets to you, before someone else takes this matter up with you, aside from the BC Court system. What goes around, comes around.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Ramblings from a Feverish Woman
I took RC for a pedicure, his feet needed some loving and he'd never before been treated to such a delight. His smooth toes running along my calves at night are just a bonus.
My daughter was horrified when notified about this bloody injustice involving a wrongly postponed Social Injustice class. So much miffed that she wrote a letter to the editor of the Vancouver Sun. Her level of activism in this world astounds me, though the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
We, as in RC and I are still sick, on the bend somewhat, but truly still unwell and living on suppressants to maintain any semblance of upright health and mobility.
I believe in karma, like so many others that I know. It's such a shame that negative things happen to people but you know, "what goes around, comes around." And those who toss stones, shouldn't be surprised when stones or even small pebbles are tossed back at them.
We've added a new monthly event to the Lounges calendar, its called Dungeon Players, and is a BDSM play party. The first one is set to happen on Saturday October 11 and we're thrilled by the response thus far to this cool event. It has a lower price point than our other parties, and still offers many unique offerings that can't be found elsewhere.
It's come to my attention that someone I held respect for, is lying about who they are to a great number of people and making demands on the general public that are faaaar from ethical. Someone with two years of experience last year, suddenly has over 16 years experience this year and this same person is asking people interested in their business pursuit to "submit photos" of themselves before being "accepted" into their clique. Neither of these points bode well with me or anyone I know of, and further are showing so many the negatives of this individual. Lies and attractiveness tests. Blah! Lost my vote!
My daughter was horrified when notified about this bloody injustice involving a wrongly postponed Social Injustice class. So much miffed that she wrote a letter to the editor of the Vancouver Sun. Her level of activism in this world astounds me, though the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
We, as in RC and I are still sick, on the bend somewhat, but truly still unwell and living on suppressants to maintain any semblance of upright health and mobility.
I believe in karma, like so many others that I know. It's such a shame that negative things happen to people but you know, "what goes around, comes around." And those who toss stones, shouldn't be surprised when stones or even small pebbles are tossed back at them.
We've added a new monthly event to the Lounges calendar, its called Dungeon Players, and is a BDSM play party. The first one is set to happen on Saturday October 11 and we're thrilled by the response thus far to this cool event. It has a lower price point than our other parties, and still offers many unique offerings that can't be found elsewhere.
It's come to my attention that someone I held respect for, is lying about who they are to a great number of people and making demands on the general public that are faaaar from ethical. Someone with two years of experience last year, suddenly has over 16 years experience this year and this same person is asking people interested in their business pursuit to "submit photos" of themselves before being "accepted" into their clique. Neither of these points bode well with me or anyone I know of, and further are showing so many the negatives of this individual. Lies and attractiveness tests. Blah! Lost my vote!
Friday, September 05, 2008
Restroom Diversity
I just got round to having this article scanned so it could posted to my blog here. It originated from the Vancouver Province newspaper.
When I read the story earlier in the week my eyes welled up some with happiness. It just is so damn inspiring that finally gender is being recognized by large educational institutions by more than just Men's and Women's. This movement is long over due and more greatly anticipated by a larger number of people than the general public can even comprehend or fathom.
Click on the article, it enlarges when you do.
When I read the story earlier in the week my eyes welled up some with happiness. It just is so damn inspiring that finally gender is being recognized by large educational institutions by more than just Men's and Women's. This movement is long over due and more greatly anticipated by a larger number of people than the general public can even comprehend or fathom.
Click on the article, it enlarges when you do.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
dumb answer to an easy question
Today was a lovely day, charming in-fact.
I slept in this morning with RC, setting the stage for a relaxed pace for the rest of my day.
My favorite lunch was mine, sushi.
A fantastically surprising find of yet another corset from New World Designs in Gastown in this very unusual color is now in my corset cabinet.
I was one of four sex experts at Rhodes College today, speaking on a panel about sex.
One of my fellow panel members was the esteemed radio personality & dating coach, Daniel Packard. We got to talking after class and he's way cool, more interesting to me than his radio segment had made him appear.
I had to shake my head in udder dismay at one of the other panel members giving exceptionally inadequate health information to the students in the class surrounding safer sex issues. It was incomprehensible her lack of skill at dealing with & answering the questions & subject matter, especially given she is co owner of a little ol' adult store. Shame on her for pimping books on safe sex, rather than answering a question that would have not only empowered the asker of the question, but also empowered and kept safe the future clients of these students. She choose to try and make a buck instead. Pitiful ethics really.
Once home to our nest finally, I cranked up the heat, stripped down to my birthday suit and promptly made dinner for the family. We three ate together and hung out watching TV for a large part of the evening.
Before I said good-night to RC, he laid me out on the bed and gave me a full body rub and a hot stone massage. When I thought it was over, I suddenly felt the tickle of his slick lubed fingers making there way into my wet pussy. As he gently probed into me, my hips became accommodating and the gates parted giving him easy access. The massage had turned sexual. Big surprise. It ended in two massive orgasms. One for me, and one for my guy.
My new iPhone is incredible. It does so much, I'm just now starting to figure out much of what I can actually do with it. Its capabilities are abundant and lucky me its user friendly as well. I'm really loving the gift. Thank you RC for being so, so good to me always. I Love You.
I slept in this morning with RC, setting the stage for a relaxed pace for the rest of my day.
My favorite lunch was mine, sushi.
A fantastically surprising find of yet another corset from New World Designs in Gastown in this very unusual color is now in my corset cabinet.
I was one of four sex experts at Rhodes College today, speaking on a panel about sex.
One of my fellow panel members was the esteemed radio personality & dating coach, Daniel Packard. We got to talking after class and he's way cool, more interesting to me than his radio segment had made him appear.
I had to shake my head in udder dismay at one of the other panel members giving exceptionally inadequate health information to the students in the class surrounding safer sex issues. It was incomprehensible her lack of skill at dealing with & answering the questions & subject matter, especially given she is co owner of a little ol' adult store. Shame on her for pimping books on safe sex, rather than answering a question that would have not only empowered the asker of the question, but also empowered and kept safe the future clients of these students. She choose to try and make a buck instead. Pitiful ethics really.
Once home to our nest finally, I cranked up the heat, stripped down to my birthday suit and promptly made dinner for the family. We three ate together and hung out watching TV for a large part of the evening.
Before I said good-night to RC, he laid me out on the bed and gave me a full body rub and a hot stone massage. When I thought it was over, I suddenly felt the tickle of his slick lubed fingers making there way into my wet pussy. As he gently probed into me, my hips became accommodating and the gates parted giving him easy access. The massage had turned sexual. Big surprise. It ended in two massive orgasms. One for me, and one for my guy.
My new iPhone is incredible. It does so much, I'm just now starting to figure out much of what I can actually do with it. Its capabilities are abundant and lucky me its user friendly as well. I'm really loving the gift. Thank you RC for being so, so good to me always. I Love You.
Monday, October 15, 2007
the play by play
I awoke this morning to a message from a friend telling me to check -out the noisome Tinks blog yet again. None to impressed I roused my computer from its sleep and what do I find, but yet another post about me, written on her schools paid work time of her. This was her latest attempt at egging me along another of her cruel petty games.
The other two entries for today reflect how the day has unfolded on my end. It seems that once she read my entry, she went and removed her most recent post about me. Today's. And now she has her clan, posse, clique emailing me with threats that what I wrote in my post was wrong to do. Perhaps she forgot to mention to them what sparked such a response, was her original public post from this morning, the one she deleted before jumping up and down screaming, "look at me, look at me! I've been wronged".
Ms. Tink needs to check on her own ethics and that of her schools policy and spend less time worrying about mine.
Likely she's at home now attempting to clear her blog of all the posts made during company work time. A shame many of them are not even on her own site.
Leave me alone.
The other two entries for today reflect how the day has unfolded on my end. It seems that once she read my entry, she went and removed her most recent post about me. Today's. And now she has her clan, posse, clique emailing me with threats that what I wrote in my post was wrong to do. Perhaps she forgot to mention to them what sparked such a response, was her original public post from this morning, the one she deleted before jumping up and down screaming, "look at me, look at me! I've been wronged".
Ms. Tink needs to check on her own ethics and that of her schools policy and spend less time worrying about mine.
Likely she's at home now attempting to clear her blog of all the posts made during company work time. A shame many of them are not even on her own site.
Leave me alone.
Ethics in the work-place
After doing some brief corresponding with Burnaby's Alexander College it became none to easy to run across Mr. Marv Weftrom the director of personnel.
I have kept an extensive log of stinky tinks on-line posts/rants/comments (about myself & my pursuits) made while on paid work time for the aforementioned post secondary school. An institution with an ethics policy. Posts made to her blog, posts made to on-line groups and of course all done on her companies paid time, over a long period of time.
Let's see how everyone involved feels about this now.
I have kept an extensive log of stinky tinks on-line posts/rants/comments (about myself & my pursuits) made while on paid work time for the aforementioned post secondary school. An institution with an ethics policy. Posts made to her blog, posts made to on-line groups and of course all done on her companies paid time, over a long period of time.
Let's see how everyone involved feels about this now.
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