my daddy, my father & age play

(if you're sensitive to the idea of adult role play (Daddy-little girl) then this post may be too heavy a topic for you and I suggest you read back another day)

my biological father is dead and this week is the anniversary of his death. It's only been two years, so it's fresh still & I'm finding that I'm having some issues surrounding this.

In me is a great amount of Top energy that I put out often however age play is an activity that I engage in heavily and it does provide balance for me.

Despite the name, "age play" it's not something I feel that I'm playing at; it's simply just another part of myself that I choose to express outloud. Two weeks ago I wrote a post in response to a womans [thoughtful yet objective] comments on a message board and here is what I wrote...

I myself have a history of sexual abuse as a young person that is
healed in some areas and still most raw in others.

Today, I am a 33 year old woman, all grown up now. I have a male
partner over the age of 40 who I call Daddy. Why? Because it makes
me feel good and it makes my partner feel good. We choose to have a
consensual relationship involving age/role play.

It's a relationship that is not always turned "on" to the outside
world but to each of us there is almost always something going on that
keeps us conencted as little girl and Daddy.

My Daddy is who I go to share with when I'm scared and not wanting my
partner Jim. I perfer the safety of who my Daddy is for certain
disclosures/ conversations and activities, than to my partner Jim.

My Daddy let's me be little for things that I struggle with and still
need guidance with, perhaps some things that others have already
learned/mastered in their lives but that I never did or never gained
the confidence for.

My Daddy is my support, that even when my partner Jim & I are not
having a good day, my Daddy will always make sure that I feel safe and
not alone in these times.

My Daddy teaches me things way better than Jim does. My Daddy and I
are close because it's with him that I can say no to anything where by
with Jim, because of our D/s life I have no "no" voice as that's what
we've negotiated in our relationship.

Daddy is who I call out for in sex most, because it's my Daddy who has
been the nicest, most trusting, engaging, endearing, empowering Daddy
ever to teach me all that he has. My Daddy today gives me power in
sex and that was not my experience as a child.

My Daddy today has healed some of those parts of me that my Dad, left
destroyed in my childhood.

I enjoy being little, I just don't have a Daddy either women, I
actually get little. Go small. Have a preference for my thumb and
non verbal communication. And it's all trust based between me as a 33
year old grown woman with my relationship partner, that I choose to
call Daddy instead of Jim.

Age play has healed many parts of my life and given me permission to
explore areas that I never thought I'd eroticize.

I love my Daddy and Jim is my Daddy. I'm a very lucky girl...

---

now perhaps once this anniversary of his death is over with, I'll quit feeling so haunted and get back on track. It's past my bed time now and off I go to sleep...

Jennifer